The Bachelorette- The Setup

After being sucked into the Royal wedding hype I made the decision to make myself more "available" to date. I decided to really embrace dating in 2018. The traditional way was not working. So, I reinstalled Tinder on my phone. I did it for a hot second a few years ago and wasn't really feeling it but I decided to give it another go. Yea, didn't work for me again after someone asked if I was into casual dating (I read sex.). Scrolling my timeline, I found a link to an article about the best dating sites. Match told me I could browse for free so I did. 
I created a real basic profile. I picked a few current pictures. I made sure that the pictures were a solid reflective of my current self. I couldn't use the throwback cheer picture missing about 30 pounds of my current self. Lol. I didn't want to be out here catfishing people. The information on my profile was accurate but vague. I even used a match created generic summary that reflected who I am. 
Let's see how this goes.... 
Btw I didn't drop that coin... yet.

2018... Look Back at IT.

Looking back at 2018, I realized that 2018 has forced me....
Forced me to do what I said I was going to do.
Forced me to choose me.
Forced me to get me to get to know me.



I've been humbled. I've watched my friends living their best lives and I've just been just cheering from the sidelines. I've waited for my win (still waiting). I've been a bitch. I've had to let/force fuck boys to walk. I've collect a few bouquets. I've had to intentionally protect my space. I've online dated. My ass has out grown EVERY pair pants  I owned. Therefore Old Navy has gotten quite a few of my coins. I've been in my own way. I've been guarded. I've been open. I've prayed and read. I've journal-ed. I've sat and not been able to answer what the fuck makes me happy and what I like to do. Like what thheeee fuck! I've drank wine... bottles of it... sometimes by myself. In 2018, I've been trying to figure out what my best life is and live it. I've allowed him in my space some days. Some days he's not worth mentioning. God has a way of giving you what you need, when you need it. I've been trying not to live in comparison to your wins. I've been trying to figure out what happiness looks like for me. I've been up and I've been down. I've been trying to make it through this thang called my life. Some days were good. Some days were bad. 

HOWEVER, my body lowkey outchea lookin' like Rihanna in these streets.... my ass fat, hair growin, skin glowin' and bills paid. I'm not mad atcha 2018, you or the woman I'm becoming...



Most Impactful Reads 2018: The Wait/ We are Going to Need More Wine
Favorite Celeb 2018: Cardi B./Gabrielle Union
Favorite Artist to Vibe to 2018: Ella Mai/ H.E.R.
Favorite Album to Boss Up to: Everything is Love
Most Impactful People: People: My village who has been praying for me, picking me up, and rooting for me all year. 

The Royal Wedding

I was the little girl who once upon a time believed in fairy tales.  I'm a Disney Princess fanatic. I saw the the The Princess and the Frog like 3 or 4 times in theaters and I only took kids once. As life happened my belief in fairy tales dwindled. 

Then a black divorced 36 year old woman became engaged to the wild and handsome Prince Harry. The game changed! I know, she's mixed, light skinned, with "good hair" but nonetheless she's still all the things I first mentioned. And that man LOVES that woman. 

As I got up at 630-ish on a Saturday to watch The Royal Wedding, it gave this little black girl a little piece of hope. It gave me desire to get back in the game. It gave me the desire to curse out my friends for not setting me up on blind dates with the princes in their circles. 

#Jesus Year

I always like to start a new year with reflection of the past year. Luckily for me, my birthday is pretty mid-way through the year. It's a great place to hit reset on my New Year's Resolutions. 

The past year has been hard. Not really a loud hard but a silent hard. I've cried. I've bossed up. Been unapologetically me. 

I'm hitting reset and refocusing on me, myself, and I. Focused on being my best self and living my best life. Judas just know it's my #jesusyear but I ain't Jesus. *wink wink*

The Only Single Girl in the Room

As I travel along my path of life, I'm increasingly becoming the only really single girl in the room. As I continue along my path most of my friends have boyfriends, husbands, kids, etc. And then there is me. Just. Me. Here's the beauty of it for me, I'm increasingly ok with it just being me. 

I get a lot of pressure to be a couple. "Do online dating" and "you should be with so and so" they say. But a HUGE part me of is okay not entertaining another Mr. Wrong instead of being selfish with myself. 

I often find myself wondering why should I be in a huge rush to share myself with someone else forever. Especially when, a lot of men are not REALLY committed to their wives and significant others. Trust me and my screenshots on that one. Hahahaha! 

Writing The Vision Again....

Write the vision and make it plain they say…

A married co-worker of mine, has told me again to write my desires in a husband. Sigh…. I did that already and I’m still single…. You can check it out here. I was pretty darn close to that first list… uggghhhh…. But I guess I’m back and square one. I was told to make it “working” list and to be specific. So I am doing just that…. I’ve actually written it with pen and paper and allow my experiences to craft what my heart desires. I am going trust that God’s got me! 

Won't He Do It in 2018

The top song on my Corolla Praise and Worship playlist is “Won’t He Do It.” By Koryn Hawthorne.  People who spend a lot of time know that I throw “won’t he do it *hand wave and foot pat*” out A LOT!! But this song has been a testament to my life… and my 2017.  “I’m going to look back and be so amazed. How it turned out is only his grace.”

I am coming out of 2017 stronger. I have had lessons on standing up for myself and not taking other people’s shit. I have gotten hit by a car I saw coming from miles away. I have had to learn that I am not able to do it all. I’ve had to depend on other’s to help keep my carefully balanced scheduled still balanced and going. I’ve had to commit to get up from the table when love is no longer offered. I’ve had to TRULY accept MY JOURNEY and be at peace with what’s mine. I can see your “happily ever after” and be okay with it not being mine.  

As I look at 2017, I see foundations laid for the good things to come in 2018. Things I’ve prayed for in the past possibly coming down the pipeline.  I’ve seen the devil hard at work with the past boos in my messages on various platforms. -_- The devil has been hard at work trying to steal my joy but I have my eyes on the prize. So hey husband… you have to be on the horizon. LOL If not, I am at peace sleeping alone. I am walking into 2018 taking auntie Tracee Ellis Ross words to heart. I am going truly live my life for me and put ME first. Yes, I am going to be a SELFISH person and be that on purpose. In the past (I have a post in my heart about a specific time) I have put other’s first and I am not 100% sure that worked out in my favor. “I got mountains to climb in 2018. The enemy can’t stop me because there is a calling on my life. “ I walk into 2018 by faith and not by sight into my purpose. 2018 I’m ready because my trust in God has me covered.

 Happy 2018 y’all be BLESSED and AMAZING. Keep working towards your “well done!” 

Walking in to 2018 by faith and not by sight.... 

I. Am. Not. The. Weekend.

"How you want me and you got a girl"

 I. Am. Not. The. Weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I love the song and can jam out to it but somewhere along the line, guys got it twisted. If you can’t or don’t want me from 9-5, I am unavailable to you on "weekend".  I’m not sure where they got the idea, I want to be 2^nd place. Like WTF?!? Thanks but no thanks. Stay home and enjoy your happily ever after or whatever you were doing.  I do not want to spend my down time getting whatever is left of you. I’d rather spend my time with myself.  My personal struggle is “what am I doing” to make you think that’s how I roll. I have to stop and remind myself. That I am unmarried, childless, and grown. I can do what the fuck I want! I can dress how I want. Do what I want. I am living my life for me. Not to some standards set by others. Being an “old maid” is not your invitation to offer me your bad karma and/or penis. I'm good boo. 

   .  

Buy the Damn Glue Sticks!

It’s back to school time… womp womp womp…. I’m just getting started with summer vacation.  Every year around this time when stores put up their fancy back to school displays, I start to see all the complaints about buying school supplies. And you know what! It burns the depths of my soul! “Why do they need so many glue sticks? The teacher should….” *grabs pearls* The teacher probably spent way more on school supplies than the $50 per kid you will buy on top of the fact that your kids shoes cost more than what you spent on school supplies. I know that because I (who REFUSES or at least tries to not buy school supplies) has already spent $50 on school supplies. I still am waiting on 60 folders to go sale so I don’t have to spend $30 on folders and I’m going to buy at least 20 glue sticks myself.

YES!! Your child needs however many glue sticks are listed on the list and whatever is on the list. You don’t know how many glue sticks end up without tops on them and dry out, or kids roll all the way up and smash them when they try to put the top on it, or they cut them in half, or they just throw away for NO REASON! I’m running around like a glue stick police trying to keep all the glue sticks safe.  And let’s not talk about tissues. They grab a handful of tissues and WIPE their nose and throw them away. They didn’t blow it so it it’s continues to run, so before you know it, a box of tissues are gone in 30 minutes.  I spend at least a month (sometimes MUCH longer) teaching children how to not waste YOUR supplies so I don’t have to go into my stash. With all the gluing, writing, germs etc. your child needs all of the supplies listed … so just BUY THE DAMN GLUE STICKS!

My School supply list if I could send out my own would go something like this…

-          5 COMPOSITION books (not spiral notebooks- those wires are not safe)

-          2 boxes of Crayola crayons (They color the best.)

-          36 quality pencils (Cheap pencils are eaten up by the pencil sharpener and break it.)

-          2 pair of scissors

-          8 large or 12 regular sized Elmer’s glue sticks (the others dry out and end up in trash by March)

-          1 regular pencil box

-          plastic pocket folders with prongs in green, purple, and black

-          2 pocket folders of your child’s choice

-          8 highlighters

-          1 box of gallon sized zipper bags (girls)

-          1 box of sandwich sized zipper bags (boys)

-          2 regular sized bottles of hand sanitizer (not the little individual bottles)

-          Clorox/Lysol wipes

-          2 boxes of tissues

-          8 dry erase markers

-          1 pair of headphones

*You know your child, if he/she is clumsy, destructive, or messy you should purchase and send extra of these items. For those little people, the items listed will NOT last them/us through the year.*

Things not to send those little personal pencil sharpeners and fidget spinners. Additional requested items but not required by each child include notebook paper, cardstock, snacks, markers, paper plates, etc. Please feel free to reach out and request are sent out regularly.

But on a real note, teachers pour a lot of unpaid time as well as their own personal money into their classrooms and your child’s school year. The least you can do is send YOUR child to school READY to get the most of those 180 days. I am grateful every year for those parents who send in snacks, GLUE STICKS, etc. throughout the year! They are truly a blessing because some kids are not fortunate enough to afford supplies and brand new back to school gear and that helps me meet those children’s needs  and worry about more important things like ya know, teaching.  If you buy your 7 year old Jordans for his first day back, you do not need to be on my timeline complaining about .50 glue sticks... 

Be Humble.. Sit Down

Life is a humbling experience. You are reminded daily that regardless how amazing you think you are… somebody may not agree or you are not always as AWESOME as you’d like to think.

Life is a continuous All State commercial. You know the one with the old guy and the fishing rod. “You almost had it!” I feel like the person trying to get whatever he is dangling from that fishing rod on the regular.  I think I’m getting close to something, I get body slammed by life and told “not today boo!”

I’m learning just to roll with punches. Dodging the ones I can and attempting to take the ones that make contact like a G. Some days I’m down but not out!

Girls Trip

So I went to see Girls Trip this weekend and last weekend. First, let me say that was AWESOME!!! It is definitely going to be one of those movies I watch over and over on Saturdays and Sundays in my pjs. I loved seeing those black women be just that, black women. I even loved the Howard Homecoming plug (not to mention the HU Alum in the movie)! This movie reminded of me of my girls trips to Miami, Vegas, Mexico, and even NOLA just to name a few, where I’ve definitely had some Girls Trip moments. *sigh* Good times! *looks off into the clouds*

As I watched this movie, I sat and tried to figure out which of these characters I would be in my various circles of friends. I can see myself in each of them. Although, regardless of the group of friends, I’d be that person in the mosquito net about to “catch something” at some point in each of my trips. LOL I love a shress and good time.  But, I really connected with Ryan. The person who also seems to have it all together when in real life, her life isn’t as “perfect” as it seems. She’s struggling with the “can women really have it all?” dilemma which I’m sure so many of us battle regularly. For her right now, she doesn’t. I’m not going to spoil it for those of you who haven’t seen it, but just know she has her struggles in the movie. I know we all struggle to know and accept our worth at times as we live out our disappointments, failures, and setbacks. I see(n) it and I’ve live(d) it.  Hell, I’ll be the first person to admit I struggle with this DAILY. She’s also is not as connected with her “girls” as she would like to be. Getting caught up in her own life as well as friend fall out, she and her frields have lost touch. I understand this. I have so many friends that I don’t see or talk to often but at the end of the day love is still there.

As I continue to walk this sometimes crooked path called my life I’ll look back on all my “Howard Homecoming/Graduation Keisha moments” with my girls and I smile and I’m thankful for those people who always have my back. We are all just trying to figure out what this thing called life has in store for us. I move forward, just trying to know my worth and requiring people to know it too!

Oh yea, to my Julian… I see you boo liking them post… *pulls down shades and looks over them*

What You Mean By That?

You ever had someone say something to you and in your head your go “Bitch! What you mean by that?” But you don’t say that, you just “smile and nod” and respond. Yea it happens to me and probably most us more than any of us would like to admit. The more I thought about it the more annoyed I got about this particular situation.

Let’s be real… I felt there were several things wrong with what was said. It was something along the lines of if the guy I had dated were to commit to me would I “keep myself up better”. For one, drawing on my eyebrows everyday ain’t. gonna. make.  no. man. want. me. HELL, this particular man didn’t want me at my Beyoncé. Which brings me to my next point, if a man doesn’t  want me at my Amanda Bynes crying in the dark hallway, he don’t deserve me at my Beyoncé looking good and slaying life. Which rolls right into, my next point. Bitch, I’m doing good to be standing, there are certainly days within the last few months I’ve been hella close to being that falling apart famous girl, we see in the media. But you’d never know. I’m doing the best I can to hold it all together. And even when I didn’t have a hold of it all, I still managed to get it all done. So nope my eyebrows aren’t drawn on and my hair is still in this tired ass ponytail but check the trail of glitter I left behind. When it’s all said and done people may not remember me for being fly as hell everyday but I’ll have more hearts that I can count that will remember to be their best selves because of me. But no worries, at my memorial they’ll be a fly ass face beat pic on my index card obituary and no casket, so the Llyods of the world will know I was “fine too”. LOL *wink face* *sashays in to the sunset with a hair flip*  

I Made It

And I can slay some fabric!

Well I’ve made it through another year of this thang called life.  The last year ended and this new one started at a rocky point but I am still standing. This year (like them all) has taught me so many lessons. From being hired to do a job and wanting to see a black man succeed to later realizing he is an ASSHOLE who can’t take feedback to grow. That opportunity allowed for me to learn how to stand up for myself and realize when it’s time to let things go. I can’t help all black people be the best version of themselves. Sometimes they don’t want this little black girl’s help. I’ve also been extremely frustrated when you are doing more than what is required and that is not being appreciated. I face a regular internal struggle when parents are unappreciative but the girls I work with are AMAZING. I really enjoying being able to bless them with experiences and skills but some parents make me want to be like “screw this”. On the flipside, I have the other parents who appreciative willing to do what they can to help! I’ve been reminded that a sense of entitlement is real in some people. Some people feel like you owe them something and others are thankful of what you do. I have to take the good with the bad in my attempt to empower young women of the future. I use these opportunity to hopefully show the girls to support one another and be appreciative of the things they are given. In addition, I’ve learned to let go and let it flow in certain areas of my life. It shall be what it will be and sometimes that is nothing. I’m okay with that.  What’s for me is for me. I can’t control everything and my life looks nothing like what I thought it would at this point of my life. So many around me are living the life I envisioned for myself.  I’m continuing to trust the journey of this thing called my life. Trust and believe that it is not always easy trusting my journey but at the end of the day, at this ripe young age of “25” I am blessed. My bills are paid, I eat well, and I work in areas I am passionate about. I have an amazing support system around me to help me keep my sanity when needed. I’m ready for what this next year has to offer me hopefully more good than bad!

Thankful

I’m the girl that a lot of times feels that no one is really “checking for me.” I’m not meaning in

necessarily a romantic way but just in general. I don’t think that I’d be that girl that if I threw this massive birthday party people would actually show up to it. If I just vanished, nobody would really miss me.  Pump ya breaks! I’m not suicidal or anything. I don’t do death/dead people, so I’m not trying to rush it. And in general I’m pretty pleased with my life. All things considered, I feel like I’m not doing too shitty in this thing called life in all the areas that really matter. At the same time, I don’t feel like I’m the most popular person in room and I am pretty okay with that.

These past few weeks have been an OVERwhelming to say the least. I am beyond appreciative and thankful for the pouring of support received these past weeks.  From the calls, thoughtful messages, visits, cards, help, thoughtful gifts, etc. I really appreciate it all! You know that you are doing something (or at least someone has) right in life when that many people are thinking about you. I know I can be that girl that fights battles that no one would ever know about and that sometimes feels lonely. It has been helpful to know that I am not.

As I continue this thing called life doing the work that my new “guardian angel” would continue to be proud of, I am thankful to all you for my full cup that I continue to pour from daily.  

I Believe!

I don’t understand how people don’t believe in something. Today is Resurrection Sunday and as I sat in church today, I realized I don’t understand how people who don’t believe in something, make it day to day. When I was little Christmas was sooooooo much better when I REALLY believed in Santa. Life now is soooo much better that I believe in a higher power. I am not the most religious person on the planet and really don’t go to church as much as I should, but I totally understand the benefit of believing in something greater. I am not saying who or what to believe in but for me knowing that God is has the power to work out all of my problems makes life so much better. 

2017 Resolutions

Disregard Chuck and Gee having a moment in the background!
Cheers to 2017! 

2017 new year! New me! Naaww just kidding. At this point, I am who I am.  But, I’m all for being a better me.

·         Go to church more. No explanation needed here!

·         Get this body back right – drink more water, have a better diet, and exercise

Sooo my big girl body is finally coming in. *does Beyonce booty bounce* BUT with that my abs have disappeared and I have 15 years’ worth of clothes (especially jeans) that I can’t fit. I’m one cookie/fry away from people asking me when my baby is due. Wait! I JUST went to an audition in 2016 and my body was in decent shape. This is NOT Okay.

·         Stop being friendly to the Fuq boyz.

I’ll let you marinate on that for a second…. Okay. Time is up! This is the area that I need to put more attention into. Stop entertaining those people who are wasting my time.  See my final bullet.

·         Continue to grow from the opportunities

I have been giving so many opportunities in the past year or so. These opportunities are growth agents!

·         Continue to work on being ready for the something new God has for me in 2017.

Thank You 2016

Thank you 2016!

2016 hasn’t been as bad for me as some of you based on your Facebook post but I am appreciative of the good, the bad, and ugly.  Thank you 2016 for all that you gave me.

     1)      Puberty

I’m finally getting my adult body which is a blessing and a curse. J It’s only 15 years late.

2)      Opportunities

My cup runneth over.  But like for real though.  Opportunities that are mine and I can do what I want them. Make them as big or as little. Ask and ye shall receive and receive abundantly. I am beyond thankful for the opportunities/learning experiences that are making me a better person and preparing me for whatever is next in life.

3)      My dying procrastination

With all my new opportunities, has come a severe illness to my art of procrastination. I can no longer put things off. When I do I get behind and end up experiencing forms of anxiety because I have a zillion things to do and no time. I now try to be a head of the game.

4)      Support

I am truly thank for my “team”. It often seems extremely small but I can count on the ones there. They look out and are there when I need them. They teach routines, come through with those Beyonce tickets, turn their house in to my personal bed and breakfast, etc. I am truly winning because of them.

 

5) Belief in the IMPOSSIBLE

 

2016 showed me to believe in the impossible. Go for the job I'm not qualified for. Set goals that aren't really realistic. Hopefully someone will have faith in me.

 

6) Racism is still alive and well and NOW loud.

 

I knew racism was alive. Hell I've dealt with it recently pre-Trump era. I've had people essentially slap me in my face with their white privilege as a sat across the table fighting for something completely different than they would ever begin to understand.  BUT TRUMP has shown me a completely different beast. Requiring me  to be more. More strategic with my opportunities. More loud with my people. More real with my people. I have been reminded why I work in communities where people look like me. And even more in my opportunities to empower little black girls.

Thank you 2016! Because of you, I will be even better in 2017. PEACE!

 

Obama Out!

I am so ready for the Obama’s to leave The White House. 

Yea! I said it but not for the reasons you think. I am a huge fan of the Obamas. I’m just ready for their abusive relationship with America to be over.

I think they have done a wonderful job as the first black family. The first family not to fit the “normal” mold of old white guys and their families.

Our president, has done his best to create change in America with what he was given. You can’t change the laws alone and most of his colleagues refused to work with him. But let’s see, he’s killed Osama Bin Landen, he had gas prices so low I felt like I was in high school again, I can go pick of prescriptions for birth control and go to gynecologist and not pay anything, and my dad was able to get health care that he could afford that in turn allowed him to have his neck repaired after he broke it. (And don’t get it twisted, my dad ain’t a lazy black man like most of you probably assumed. He has always worked and when I was in school he at some points had 2 jobs.) And those are just the things that personally affected me.

Our first lady, has shown nothing but class. She is not only attractive but she is also super intelligent and can hold her own. It is empowering to see a strong black woman speak well and loved by so many. She has been attacked but when they go low she continues to go high.

The first children, Malia and Sasha, have probably had it the worst. I cannot understand how people can be so disrespectful to children. They can’t even be normal children. They are scrutinized for dressing like the rest of the teenage population and going to parties. But did we forget the Bush girls. They were definitely a part of the fun time gang (not judging them at all because I was fun timing pretty much the same time they were) but many call the Obama girls entitled spoiled brats. They have served in this role much better than any that have come before them and they didn’t have a choice.

I have never seen a first family so disrespected as this family has. Don’t get me wrong I was not a fan of Bush. And he probably got to where he was through entitlement but I would have never disrespected his wife and children the way the Obamas are. (I personally respected Laura Bush. She was a teacher and that was our connection and Jenna often does the teacher stories on the today show. So I have come to like Jenna too.) I am happy to see the Obamas go and get out of the spotlight eventually. Stop getting so many attacks although I am sure they will continue somewhat. I’m like that friend who is waiting for a loved one’s suffering/abusive relationship to end.

It’s been real Obamas! No first family will ever do it like you do! You will forever be my favorite First Family. *An Obama drop of the mic*

SN: I am very fearful of what is to come...

HTTR

I'm still tackling my list!!!
 
3.  Go to a NFL football game. Lived in DC for 5 years and never attend a Redskins game!

Finally made it to a Redskin's game!! I had a blast and can't wait to go back! 
Now I even know the words to the song. LOL 


My elbow partner (the person sitting beside me) had some very valid points.

1. He knew we were cheerleaders and there for the cheerleaders before we ever sat down! Bahahahahaha! 
2. He questioned the judgement of all those Richmond fellas. He wanted to know how we, some beautiful  women, were alone at that game. Some nice men should've brought us to that game. And you know what?!?! He has a point! lol Hopefully he gets you fellas straight next time he's in town.

Anywho! It's official I think I would be a great boo/wife to a sports fan. I love sporting events I think after this game I've been to them all (or at least the main ones). AND I can follow the games! Hell I played them all or at the very least was on the sidelines. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

2016 has been an interesting year, full of twist and turns! I have so many things to be thankful for in my life. This year, I am specifically thankful for opportunities to given to me. Opportunities to not only educate the next generation but more importantly, the opportunity to impact them to be kind, hardworking people that do the right thing even when no one is watching and to help their peers. They are so much stronger together.   I may work many days 12+ hours and spend the weekends in a coma, but my purpose is bigger than me. Happy Thanksgiving!