The Bad Boy Syndrome

I need a soldier... or do I?

While enjoying dinner with a friend one weekend, our dinner-time conversation took the inevitable turn to men. I sat, listening to her rundown of the new “boo”. He was smart, well-educated, attractive, and a cook. I sat, intrigued, wondering whether or not he had a brother, when she said...“I don’t want to be in relationship with him. He’s too nice.”



I nearly choked on my soup. My friend hasn’t even reached her 20s yet, she can’t possibly know exactly what she wants wants out of life; then it hit me, I used to be that girl. I began to think back on how I’ve passed on a zillion “nice guys” because I was looking for...that something, that extra little oomph, some swag. I didn’t know exactly why, but the “nice guys” just didn’t have it. Oh the things we do when we are young and dumb. Thankfully, with age comes wisdom and I’m getting wiser every day. How many women have stood in front of our own happiness because such silly stipulations?



Like my friend and I, have all young women suffered from the bad boy syndrome? Once upon a time, a man NEEDED that bad boy “swag” for me to consider him attractive. I can take this all the way back to middle school crushes, when the poor little nice guy always came in last to the “bad boy” in class. Why did my friends and I find him attractive? Is it the media and its portrayal of black men? Is the desire to date someone like your father (and mine still thinks he’s that 20 year old bad boy)? As a 20-something professional, I’m looking for the “nice guy” that I passed on for so many years.

The thing that baffles me now are the smart, upstanding “nice guys” are no longer such, and have defected to the other side, #teambadboy. Are women who are always in search of that extra something to blame for the good guys gone bad - the transformation of the nice guys who finally grew tired of finishing last?

2011 Love Plan

I have a "game plan". Do you?

I’m a planner. I’ve been planning my life (a rough draft version that is constantly changing) for as long as I can remember. In high school, I planned to become a cheerleader and a class leader and eventually planned to go to college. In college, I planned to graduate and become a teacher, a job which I now enjoy (most days). Every morning I lie in bed and run through the day before I get up and get going. I have a plan to for how the year should go. I need a love plan as well...

To start my yearly planning, I reflected on last year. What happened? What worked? What didn’t work? What new goals do I want to accomplish? At this time last year, I was in a “relationship.” I say “relationship” because I was just going through the motions with… (to be discussed in a post…soon). As prepared the “plan” for 2010, I decided to ride out the “relationship” wave and see where it took me. I knew it was only a matter of time before that door shut (it needed to), so I began to look for one with the potential to open. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to look too hard. I had marked my calendar for the perfect time to start my attempt to take another “relationship” to the next level. Another door shut; this time, unexpectedly. On the other side of 2010, I see that the door closed unexpectedly and that attempt is just getting started. In the words of Alicia Keys, “I’m ready,” for 2011 and all I hope to happen.

As I prepare for 2011, I am taking two potential love matches with me…I’ll call them Jay-Z and Mr. LT. These aren’t random men I picked up at a bar or a club, but two men whom I’ve known all of my adult life. I consider these men friends first, which can be a touchy line to cross. Now, to clarify, I am not in a relationship that can be considered “more than friends” at this point. Great potential for growth lies in each of these relationships and I am willing to see where either of them takes me.

What’s my 2011 love plan?

It is to be open to either of the friendships blossoming into something more. While I will be open to both, I must admit, I’m pulling for one in particular. I do really believe that “he” is my prince charming. My plan is not only for relational growth, but also for personal growth. Now I could sit here and give concrete goals but I’m not one for setting myself up for failure. I must accept the fact that with this plan in my life there is an Editor-in-Chief who can and will go in and make changes. When I’m reflecting in 2012, no matter the outcome of 2011’s plan, I know that these two relationships in addition to others that may present will definitely have an impact on this ever-changing rough draft that I call life. Living without growing isn’t really living at all, is it? My love plan, I’m sure, is just another pit-stop on my journey in pursuit of love and happiness.

What is your love plan for 2011?

What's Your Story?

Waiting on Prince Charming....

If I had a quarter every time I heard this question, I would buy me my Mercedes.
Why do men meet a woman who is all around awesome and ask that crazy ass question in its many forms? “So, ummm… Why are you single? Where is your man? Why hasn’t some man scooped you up yet? (Am I being served at Ben and Jerry’s?)” We all know we’ve heard these questions one too many times.

But here’s my story…..

In a far away land lives a young maiden, she works hard every day following her dreams. One day prince charming comes in and sweeps her off her feet. They get married and live happily ever after.

The End


Well, this is what I was told would happen or maybe I almost got there; however, the version that I heard omitted SEVERAL details. “Prince Charming” so far has not been what I’ve envisioned him to be. I am the girl who rushes to the store to buy Disney princess movies the very day they are released from the vault. I’ve seen “The Princess and the Frog” more times than my entire kindergarten class combined. I believe in chivalry and being swept away. I’m a hopeless romantic. My “Prince Charming” is handsome, hardworking, dedicated, loving, trustworthy, patient, athletic, smells good (ALWAYS a plus), committed, ambitious and who understands my mix of traditional ideals and my independent woman mentality. He understands that I will provide the bacon and fry it without question, but also to understand that he too has a role to play. His role is not to just eat the bacon or decide for me which role I’m playing. Most importantly, he believes in THE MAN and allows Him to direct his paths. In my fairy tale, these are the attributes that my “Prince Charming” possesses. Am I asking too much? Am I too “picky”? If I am, shoot me for knowing what I want and not being afraid to wait for it.
Unfortunately, the men that I have had the opportunity to date didn’t work for me. Don’t worry I’ve met several what appeared to be the “cream of the crop”. I am twice an alumnus of Howard University in Washington, DC. I’ve encountered plenty of outstanding men, but neither a fancy car nor a lucrative career guarantee that you’ll make a great potential husband. It’s the little things that matter the most. How do we treat each other? How do we treat others? How do we make each other feel? How do we maximize the time we spend together? How do we want to spend our future, making every moment count?

This Cinderella is still looking for her glass slipper.

What’s your story? (Hey! I really want to know and not just checking to see if you are good “catch”? :-D )

The Shared Journey Begins

The face of a single woman...

In the last month, I have had friends, associates, old boos, and family members call me bougie* or complain that I’m too private. I think that I've been misunderstood. I enjoy nice things, want what I want and I refuse to settle for less. Does that make me bougie? This blog is my response to those accusations and begins my attempt to becoming more understood. I am going to share my experiences with whomever so wishes to follow me on my journey as I pursue love and happiness. This is a huge step for a girl who keeps a secret well…. Especially her own. Enjoy!

I am a 25 year old (this is the only time I will admit it) young woman who hasn’t had a “boyfriend” since I was 17. I have had several relationships that have led to NOwhere. I have been blessed when it comes to relationships because they haven’t been bad relationships; just not right for me. I'm sure these men of the past will each eventually make some woman very happy, unfortunately, for various reasons I couldn’t be her. These men either didn’t want to be in a relationship, were suffering from bachelor syndrome, or thought they could sweet talk me and go home to 'her'. (I left out needing to know where I was every second of the day…I’m still trying to forget that crazy man)! I have a daddy and I can think for myself. Cinderella’s glass slipper was a perfect fit and so mine should be too. Am I crazy for thinking that MY perfect man is out there? Are my friends and I that refuse to settle for any ole’ man destined to be single forever? If so, I will accept my destiny but will enjoy the ride along the way (and I’m inviting you to come along). I am happy now and refuse to settle just to have a ring and two incomes, yet be miserable. The only thing I’m settling for is my happiness.