2014 Was My Test.... NOW this is my TESTimony

God I Get It - http://youtu.be/cO-tF8EklQg

All the Crappy things that 2014 had to offer.....

- I was in a crappy relationship (I complained about this is many blogs...). It was like sucking the life out of my soul.
- I HATED my current job situation.
- My father fell and broke his neck. (Yes! His NECK!!) He spent most of 2014 in Richmond with rehab, surgery, and slew of meds to keep straight.
- That crappy relationship ended, around the same time my Dad broke his neck. Talk about supportive, Right? (I won't go in here... I've hashed this shit out enough... see my previous videos!)
- I pretty much quit my job.... at the very last possible second just turned in a letter resignation. No new job or no real plan. Talk about stepping out on FAITH!
- The guy that I was in a crappy relationship with is now magically back love with his ex.... yea the girl who beat up him and his car that first few months we were together (I'm sure I blogged about it) and he continuously couldn't stay away from but told me not worry about... I should've listened to my intuition.
- I realized that MY problem was me and not him (He still has his own issues but MY problem was more so with me and what I accepted). Hmmph that was hard to accept and still hard to accept.
- Oh! Did I mention that I quit my job with no new job!!! Still no new job in August... hell no new job 2 weeks before school started.
- A realization that a situation where you have VOLUNTEERED so much of your time, energy, and money doesn't appreciate your commitment.

My list seems short when I type it but it sure wasn't short living it... Especially considering most of this happened  between March and August and on top of my normal crazy life!

The Return of the Blog

Recognize I'm back!!!

Here is the return of my blog. Writing just wasn't working for me!  I am excited to see what I back track and rediscover in my life.

#Hoodratthingswithfriends

On a recent trip home to Martinsville (Hoodrat, VA), something happened along the way that took me back about 10 years. I found myself experiencing déjà vu in several ways. I also had my aunts rank my female cousins and myself on who is most likely to pop off at the mouth and flip the $@!% out: I came in at No. 2…ABOVE my sister!!! *BBM confused face*. I TOTALLY disagree with this ranking. These two situations made me think back on all the “hoodratthings I’ve done with friends” back in the day. One of my friends said that I am secretly country hood. Hmmmm...possibly...LOL! I thought I’d give you a couple of #hoodratthingswithfriends that came fresh to my mind this weekend. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, I was teenage girl with a fresh driver’s license doing all (well maybe not all) the things my mother told me not to do. All my #hoodratthingswithfriends stories I am going to share all occurred in places where my momma told me not to go...

One night, I was at a party talking to my boyfriend when his little ex cut in (without asking) and started dancing with him. My Gemini twin almost snatched that ponytail until I realized I was not about to actually fight this chick. Hey, I like to win and I don’t fight losing battles and this was definitely about to be a losing battle. I wasn’t on my turf, nor did I have any of my crew with me. I am not a fan of getting jumped...LOL #I'mjustsaying

Then another night I spent the night showing my a$$ in the street. You know, screaming in the street and nonsense like that. Same boyfriend, different girl. Every time I think of my a$$ off the main strip cursing men out at 17, I just giggle.

Now, I will admit the stories I shared aren’t THAT ridiculous, but are funny to recollect nonetheless. I do have a point besides for you to shake your head at me. Sometimes ladies, we need to pick our battles wisely and discern when we might need show our rachetness. Remember ladies, not everyone needs to see your crazy. Keep it classy. *blows kisses*

Homie... Lover... Friend

So when I was about 20, a "friend" announced to me in the mall that she "had my man." I remember looking at her thinking: "excuse me, heifer?!" Upon further investigation, I found out all and more than I cared to know about their little situation. How much more you ask? Let’s just say I was livid then and many years later, it still irks me.I present this scenario for 2 reasons:

1) I admit that I've done my share of effed up things, but I wouldn't dare broadcast or brag about them. This poor child thought it was cool to announce her role as “my man’s” jump off. *__* Did this somehow make her better than me? *bbm confused face* She clearly had some self-esteem issues and scars that were far too jacked up to be repaired. Welp, there is another little girl somewhere who can be saved. Luckily, I’ve had respectable male figures who kept me in line while giving me appropriate male attention. I didn't need to run out and search for love and affection when I became of age. It is our responsibility to ensure that little brown girls everywhere know their true value and that it doesn't reside between their thighs. A woman's worth lies in her heart, mind, and soul.

2.) I know you're saying that this happened like 6 or 7 years ago, Let. It. Go. I honestly thought I had, but about a year ago it came full circle and stared me in the face. When it originally happened, I decided that he and I could NEVER work in that way, but a year ago as I began my blog, his "name" was mentioned. I have spent the last year coming to terms with the fact that I have had to "share". I have issues; I don't knowingly want any one's sloppy-seconds. I can't stand when a dude tries to date someone in my circle and then tries to date me; he gets played. I’ve had a hard time not making my current "relationship" a sloppy-seconds scenario, especially since I was first...lol! With much reflection and assessment of the situation, I can say I have made peace enough to move forward. Would I leave them in a room unsupervised? Ummm…HELL NO!

Back Story

I didn't ALWAYS go home after those Varsity Basketball Games...

So in recent weeks, I've decided to charge full force ahead with this Jay-Z thing. Things seem to have gotten a little more serious with us. Ok, so here’s a little background information on this "relationship”, considering that it may become a hot topic in my blog: Jay-Z’s and my relationship dates back about 10 years when we were both in high school. Technically, you could say that we're 10 years strong like Bey and Jay (cue Beyonce). He was that high school boo who I "talked" to off and on during my junior and senior year, but NEVER officially dated. After high school, he went to VMI and I went the real HU. And we lived happily ever after...SIKE! We did remain friends, but didn't really reconnect until after graduating from college. And the story continues....

Enjoy Life

A few weeks ago, I spent the entire afternoon in a co-workers classroom talking about enjoying life. She and I talked about traveling and living life freely and on our own terms. You see, last year, she battled cancer and lost her 40 year old daughter who eventually succumbed to the illness. The next day, I opened a BBM from a friend to find out that a friend and classmate had passed away. She was the same age as me....

This news of her passing caused me to reflect on how I live my life. I will say that I am a “go with the flow” type and aim to enjoy all of life’s moments. I try not to let those inevitable battles hold me down for long. I fall down, get up, dust it off and keep it moving. I try and learn from my mistakes and hopefully not make the same one twice. Life is too short for that. I find myself happy.

I challenge all of you to live life to its fullest, enjoy your life - you are only given one. I know people who rarely leave the city they were born in, much less travel and see the world. Take life by horns and live it on your own terms as if each day is your last. Spend it with people you love and respect; experience new things; travel when you can. Don’t take life for granted, you never know when it’s going to end.

You Must Not Know 'Bout Me... Really You Don't

What you say whispers, but what you do SCREAMS!

Have you ever sat across from someone and realized you know everything about him, but he has no clue who you are nor has a real interest in learning. O_o You sit through dinner and listen to him talk...about...well...himself. Finally, when you’re halfway through your meal, he seems to want to know more about you. He asks questions that are either pointless or somehow relate to him. You continue to interact with/go on dates with him, chalking that first experience to nerve-induced word vomit. Only, after a few more dates, it becomes apparent that “this guy has NO CLUE who I am.” He doesn’t know where I’m from, what college I attended (it’s on my license plate), my birthday (it was like a week ago and it’s on Facebook), and that I write a blog. These are just a few things I probably would’ve mentioned if he’d taken the time to ask or allowed me to get in a word edgewise.

When a man listens to you, it says a lot. Sitting across the table from a man who references something you said or shows his interest in you is a breath of fresh air. He brings you your favorite flower, remembers your birthday and actually makes an effort to contact you in some form or fashion (I say contact because I’ve gotten some interesting contacts on my birthday before), remembers little things and goes out of the way to make you laugh. Now ladies, some of us may have given up hope but they do exist!! I’ve seen them in real life... LOL

Ephiphany

And it comes to me like an EPIPHANY...

So a few weeks ago, it hit me that I was traveling down a road, and seeing all types of signs, but I wasn’t reading any of them. *Kanye shrugs*. Sometimes, you have to go down a road and experience it so you don’t look back on life and think "what if?"

Have you ever been driving down a road and you realize everything looks quite familiar? You discover that it’s not deja vu and you really have been there before. You know exactly where this road is leading and you would rather not make this trip again, so you tap the brake and head for the nearest exit.

Once you've slowed down, you realize you may not have seen the trees because of the forest (or whatever the saying is) and what you may have been looking for has been in front of you the entire time. I am extremely goal oriented and when I see something I want, I put forth a serious effort to get it. Sometimes everything doesn’t turn out as I envisioned, but I like to live life without regrets. Today, I think I can go forward, make this "move" and be confident in my choice. Sometimes it "be like that.”

Black Love

I am firm believer in following your heart. If you find someone you like or are interested in pursuing, GO FOR IT!! True love is hard to find. I know people who I feel who have made genuine connections that are not based on racial differences. In the movie Something New, the single black business woman finds love in her white (sexy as HELL) landscape architect. Let me just say I LOVE IT.

But I do have a problem with a particular type of black man who is by far not representative of all black men. Black women you KNOW the ones I’m speaking of - the ones who tend to stereotype, rather than appreciate us [regular old black women]. According to them, we have too many attitudes and mood swings, speak our minds a little too often and refuse to put up with their shit. We won’t be walked over and we will check you if necessary. You know, they think we are bitches. O_o They would much rather chase after the gorgeous girl who is not black or the one who doesn’t claim her African-American heritage. Now I’m not a hater andI have nothing but love for these women and I can’t blame them for loving the black men flock to them. My problem solely lies with the mentality of the “flockers.” I’m confused when it comes to them. What makes them feel that just because these women are not black they will make a better girlfriend, wife or mother? Maybe she does all the little pointless things that us regular old black women don’t. OH WAIT! I know many black women who do those things like folding socks a certain way, cooking hot dogs a special way, etc. They do these things for the men they adore who adore them in return. I look at the men with this mentality that I know personally, they were raised by their black mother. Are women with the same characteristics as their mothers not good enough? O_o The mothers I know who have raised these men seemed to have done a pretty decent job with them, aside from this one issue. In my opinion, their mentality is not only a slap in my face, but also their mothers’ as well.

I will say that not all hope is lost in black men making a black love connection. Not all men have that awful mentality. Some men in general LOVE a black woman. To you men out there, we appreciate your love! I am sure that there is a black leading lady out there for you that is the perfect fit. Thanks for not buying into to those awful stereotypes and continuing to appreciate our strengths while encouraging us past our weaknesses. Roger Ebert, Chris Rock, Will Smith, Jay-Z, and BARACK love their black leading ladies. This leading lady continues to look for her leading man.

Sometimes Let. It. Go.

We’ve all been there. You know that “wonderful” (or so we hope and/or think) man that we meet. We fall head over heels for him. He has you “gone in the brain.” You’re doing all the things that your better judgment tells you that you shouldn’t. (Hey we’ve all been there; hell, some us are now.) Then it happens and you realize...He. Ain’t. Shit.

When you come to that realization, you feel all kinds of emotions. You’re angry, hurt, vengeful and shocked, to name a few. Hey, you may even act on a few of those feelings. I’m pretty sure I”m not the nice girl turned bitch out here...hmph. As time passes, love’s old battlefield wounds will heal or well should.....

Sometimes ladies we have to just have to make the decision to Let. It. Go. I’m not saying forget by any means because the experience should make you stronger and wiser with memory. You shouldn’t allow him to have control of your heart and mind forever. Eventually, we have to take it for what it is: the past and learn from it. When we take the loss and re-examine the relationship and realize and accept that we didn’t do everything right, lacked better judgment and had some red flags that we ingored and/or declined to pursue, we are able to love better the next time. *takes own advice* When we hold on to old hurts they weigh on us and our future relationships.

I thought I'd share this.... I don't agree with all of my friend's points (I love him, but he fits in the He. Aint. Shit category) but he makes a few good points we can all learn from.

** Cue Danity Kane’s “Damaged”...

Reflection of Year 26

Living life with no regrets... Thank God for another year....

As I celebrate yet another 21st birthday, I figure that it’s the perfect opportunity to reflect upon where I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going in my life. Six months ago I was reflecting upon a start of a new calendar year and now I’m looking at the next year of life. What have I done in the past 6 months to work towards achieving my long term goals? Have my goals changed? Do they need to be tweaked? I am allowing you to reflect (somewhat) with me in the areas of my life. Hey, I said I was going to be more transparent.... let’s see how this goes...

Personally

I am blessed to have some wonderful people in my life. A HUGE thanks to everyone who has made this past year awesome!! You have listened to/read the unedited version of my blog (literally and not), facebook stalked, partied, drank, dined, hung out and danced with me, etc. No matter how we kicked it or connected, you have impacted my life they have made this past year great! I can’t wait to see what the upcoming year has in store for me and you wonderful people!


Relationships

Now if you’ve been reading my blog you know about my 2011 Love Plan. (If not, you should check it out.) With one-half of the year behind me, I am pleased with how things are going. You may have noticed that Mr. LT has been mentioned through out the weekly posting and that’s a plus in my life. That relationship is making progress.... but still leaving my options open.

Professionally

As I end my 3rd year of teaching, I am happy professionally. I feel like I had better control of my classroom accomplished a lot with the kiddies this year. It’s reassuring when you realize that you may actually be good at what you spent 5 years of your life and a gazillion dollars to do. I look forward to seeing what the next year has in store as I take on the responsibility of active leadership and completing further professional training. Next year, I hope to begin administration classes and work towards becoming Dr. Stockton!

Socially

I finally adjusted to life in RVA as opposed to life in our nation’s capitol. It’ll never be DC, but at least it’s not Martinsville. You can find me downtown enjoying a few cocktails with friends, dancing, and maybe even meeting that husband that’s suppose to be downtown. :-)

Year 27 bucket list....

• get a tattoo
• go horseback riding
• whatever other fun and interesting opportunities come up...

Missed Opportunities

If it's meant to be it will be....

As I look back over my “love (or lack thereof) life”, I realize there have been several missed opportunities that I will just have to take the blame for. I may be the reason why I am single while approaching yet another 21st birthday.

There was(were) the guy(s) that I turned down, because I was in a pointless “relationship” (I use the term relationship loosely). Then, there were the guys that I passed on because I was focused on doing me or tired and didn’t feel like dealing with the extra bs. Let’s keep it real, a time came and I didn’t have time to add another thing to my plate. I usually am this way to keep me from getting bored and focusing on the negative things.

Sometimes, I sit and reflect on these possible missed opportunities. There was the dental student (I’ll talk about this one because I KNOW he’s not reading this.). He was tall, dark, handsome, strong looking, and had “swag” (yea, I said it), but a sister was too tired to put in the energy to start this relationship at the end of senior year. Was this possibly a bad idea? Could he have been Mr. Right?

Then I think, where those “missed opportunities” really that missed? If it was meant to be it will be… or at least that’s what I believe. There have been “missed opportunities” that have come back around. Two in particular missed opportunities are Jay-Z and Mr. LT. (I’m going out on the limb talking too much about this because I’m pretty sure they read this although they “act” like they don’t.) Jay-Z and I have come full circle several times. Let’s just say he is my go to boo and it seems to be mutual. Then there is Mr. LT. Once upon a time I was young and wrapped up in some lame relationship… I passed on this one. MANY MANY years later here we are. It has come full circle. I do believe that “us” wasn’t meant to be right then and for all I know it may not be meant to be now (but my fingers are crossed for it to be). We were both young and need to grow and participate in our own ignorance and learn to appreciate greatness.

Even with the potential in that missed opportunity, I have learned to seize the opportunities that are given to me. Who knows where life will take me with the opportunities given and doors open. I will continue to go with life’s flow, while embracing new opportunities that arise and those that have been presented to me a second time around.

Real vs Fake

What's your pick?

If you know me or follow my blog, you’ll see that I’m a chameleon - my hair is constantly changing. I have no problem wearing my real hair one day and a long curly wig the next. I like to change it up, I like a little variety in my life.

In the past few months, I have several conversations with two male friends about their like/dislike of my versatility. Friend 1: a co-worker. He sees the REAL me on a daily basis: real hair, real boobs, real nails, real eyelashes, etc (this list could probably go on forever). He always notices when I’ve added a taste of versatility and thinks it’s a good thing. On the other hand, Friend 2: Mr. LT expresses his dislike of my “versatility.”

More often than not, the versatility is more so for me than for others, but I admit I will switch it up for the opposite sex occasionally. The Blasian (Black and Asian) me on a Friday night gets way more play and free drinks than the “9-5” me. Her long locks paired with my slanted eyes, long eyelashes, and acrylic nails gives me the exotic Asian look. Admittedly, some nights I’m trying to get wasted and not spend a lot of money while doing it. Most men who meet the Blasian version of me really don’t get any play, as I don’t and most likely won’t look this way on a daily basis.

Fellas, do you prefer a woman that is real or one that keeps the weave fresh, the acrylics on point, and has that Niki Minaj body - or would you rather roll with a woman who has the confidence to be herself.?

I need a man in my life who loves the REAL me and doesn’t mind when the “fake” me comes to visit.

The Bad Boy Syndrome

I need a soldier... or do I?

While enjoying dinner with a friend one weekend, our dinner-time conversation took the inevitable turn to men. I sat, listening to her rundown of the new “boo”. He was smart, well-educated, attractive, and a cook. I sat, intrigued, wondering whether or not he had a brother, when she said...“I don’t want to be in relationship with him. He’s too nice.”



I nearly choked on my soup. My friend hasn’t even reached her 20s yet, she can’t possibly know exactly what she wants wants out of life; then it hit me, I used to be that girl. I began to think back on how I’ve passed on a zillion “nice guys” because I was looking for...that something, that extra little oomph, some swag. I didn’t know exactly why, but the “nice guys” just didn’t have it. Oh the things we do when we are young and dumb. Thankfully, with age comes wisdom and I’m getting wiser every day. How many women have stood in front of our own happiness because such silly stipulations?



Like my friend and I, have all young women suffered from the bad boy syndrome? Once upon a time, a man NEEDED that bad boy “swag” for me to consider him attractive. I can take this all the way back to middle school crushes, when the poor little nice guy always came in last to the “bad boy” in class. Why did my friends and I find him attractive? Is it the media and its portrayal of black men? Is the desire to date someone like your father (and mine still thinks he’s that 20 year old bad boy)? As a 20-something professional, I’m looking for the “nice guy” that I passed on for so many years.

The thing that baffles me now are the smart, upstanding “nice guys” are no longer such, and have defected to the other side, #teambadboy. Are women who are always in search of that extra something to blame for the good guys gone bad - the transformation of the nice guys who finally grew tired of finishing last?

2011 Love Plan

I have a "game plan". Do you?

I’m a planner. I’ve been planning my life (a rough draft version that is constantly changing) for as long as I can remember. In high school, I planned to become a cheerleader and a class leader and eventually planned to go to college. In college, I planned to graduate and become a teacher, a job which I now enjoy (most days). Every morning I lie in bed and run through the day before I get up and get going. I have a plan to for how the year should go. I need a love plan as well...

To start my yearly planning, I reflected on last year. What happened? What worked? What didn’t work? What new goals do I want to accomplish? At this time last year, I was in a “relationship.” I say “relationship” because I was just going through the motions with… (to be discussed in a post…soon). As prepared the “plan” for 2010, I decided to ride out the “relationship” wave and see where it took me. I knew it was only a matter of time before that door shut (it needed to), so I began to look for one with the potential to open. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to look too hard. I had marked my calendar for the perfect time to start my attempt to take another “relationship” to the next level. Another door shut; this time, unexpectedly. On the other side of 2010, I see that the door closed unexpectedly and that attempt is just getting started. In the words of Alicia Keys, “I’m ready,” for 2011 and all I hope to happen.

As I prepare for 2011, I am taking two potential love matches with me…I’ll call them Jay-Z and Mr. LT. These aren’t random men I picked up at a bar or a club, but two men whom I’ve known all of my adult life. I consider these men friends first, which can be a touchy line to cross. Now, to clarify, I am not in a relationship that can be considered “more than friends” at this point. Great potential for growth lies in each of these relationships and I am willing to see where either of them takes me.

What’s my 2011 love plan?

It is to be open to either of the friendships blossoming into something more. While I will be open to both, I must admit, I’m pulling for one in particular. I do really believe that “he” is my prince charming. My plan is not only for relational growth, but also for personal growth. Now I could sit here and give concrete goals but I’m not one for setting myself up for failure. I must accept the fact that with this plan in my life there is an Editor-in-Chief who can and will go in and make changes. When I’m reflecting in 2012, no matter the outcome of 2011’s plan, I know that these two relationships in addition to others that may present will definitely have an impact on this ever-changing rough draft that I call life. Living without growing isn’t really living at all, is it? My love plan, I’m sure, is just another pit-stop on my journey in pursuit of love and happiness.

What is your love plan for 2011?