Time

How long is too long or too short? In light of the quickie Kim K wedding and divorce, the matter of time crossed my mind. Can commitment come too quickly or can it take too long?

The Kardashian crew are notorious for their quickie engagements and marriages. I'll admit, I'm a Kardashian lover *hides face in shame*. Kris and Bruce met on a blind date, got engaged, and were married in less than 5 months. They seem happy. Khloe and Lamar had a romance that seemed to have blossomed overnight; 19 days, I think. Let me just say, I love them! They aren't perfect, but seem to really adore each other. Kourtney and Scott have a level of commitment that works for them, as dysfunctional as their relationship may seem at times. They’re not in a rush to marry, nor is their level of commitment affected by the lack of rings and papers. Poor little Kimmie, real or fake, she’s searching for love. She and Kris met and married in less than a year. Let’s propose that their quickie romance was real, did they rush it to be married?

Now on the flip side, I have a friend who has been in a "relationship" for like four years to everyone EXCEPT her "boyfriend". He refuses to commit to the title. They do real relationship things together such as taking trips and spending time with each other's family and, to top it off, they are each other's best friend. Sounds about perfect, right? How long should she wait for him to commit? It’s not like she’s asking him to propose or anything, but I'm sure some sort of commitment on his part would be nice. BUT, is it necessary? And, if so, how long should she wait for it?


I don’t think there is any set amount of time that will make a relationship work. It is all about the relationship and commitment you have with the other and the desire to make it work.

Back Story

I didn't ALWAYS go home after those Varsity Basketball Games...

So in recent weeks, I've decided to charge full force ahead with this Jay-Z thing. Things seem to have gotten a little more serious with us. Ok, so here’s a little background information on this "relationship”, considering that it may become a hot topic in my blog: Jay-Z’s and my relationship dates back about 10 years when we were both in high school. Technically, you could say that we're 10 years strong like Bey and Jay (cue Beyonce). He was that high school boo who I "talked" to off and on during my junior and senior year, but NEVER officially dated. After high school, he went to VMI and I went the real HU. And we lived happily ever after...SIKE! We did remain friends, but didn't really reconnect until after graduating from college. And the story continues....

The Stripper Delimma

A relationship should be filled with trust and FUN.... Life shouldn't end because you get a boo...

What happens in Vegas....

So on several occasions, I’ve had friends who were considering getting marriage. (I’ve previously pointed out I have only have 2 people whom I consider friends who are actually married) In the future when my friends are ready to take the walk down the aisle, I’ll be hype to plan their fun-filled night of ignorance also known as the bachelorette party. You know excessive drinking, dancing, and strippers! In my excitement for the ignorance, I get shot down.... womp womp womp.... “NO STRIPPERS!!” If you know me, you know I have no problem inquiring on their reasoning. To my surprise it’s not that they find them disgusting, degrading or against religious beliefs, but instead: “I don’t want him to have one.” O_o

Do you really think that you are going to be last set of T and A he sees?

My blog...my view...

To my future fiance - you’re good to go! You want strippers, have at it...but I’m surprisingly liberal. Hey! I believe that if I had another life I would be a stripper, it looks like fun...(just couldn’t use this life for it...gotta take care business, save the world and such.)

Before I tie the knot, I want to two parties. A classy one first, for my mom, his mom, and all my boring and classy friends with fancy cocktails in flutes, finger sandwiches, cute sundresses, maybe some really cute headgear, etc. I have a bouigie side and would really enjoy this party. Then there would be the party for me and my slightly wilder friends with a lot of ignorance. So with that said, if he wants to hire a stripper or two and have her drop it low and shake that…so be it! He just better not sleep with her or make it rain, but if I have a real concern with that, I doubt I would be getting married. I’m not for marring some man I can’t trust.

Before sitting to write my views, I did a little “research.” I asked several ladies I am cool with (co-workers, college friends, and dance buddies) and few guys (a friend, an ex-boo, and a current “boo”). The consensus for the ladies was everywhere. Some said he could go to the strip club, but no private party where the strippers come to them. (I could totally bang with that response.) Some said “Ugh, HELL NO!” Some were with me and said go for it. All three of the males were completely cool with their significant other having one. (Probably more to the fact that they wanted to have one themselves.)

I know I tend to be more toward the liberal side of my friends. I’ve been to several strip clubs; male, female, mixed (the first being an 18 year old freshman girl with my 3 roommates in southeast DC not knowing what we were there to see). Hey, I’ve even been with a “boo” to see a stripper and was not least bit upset. So I’m not really bothered/threatened by the fact he wants to see a little T and A. One of my friends said it best, “I want us to get married and continue to enjoy life. I don’t want to marry and become the boring couple.” EXACTLY! Regardless of how you look at it, why stop him if it’s something he wants to do?

But I feel there is a deeper reason for the adamant no...

Why do my friends really not want their potential life partners to have a stripper? Could it be a lack of TRUST? This is just me speculating, because I don’t really know the real reason for the no stripper rule, but if that is the case, are they really threatened by a stripper and her alone? If a man is going to cheat on you he’s going to do it. Keeping the strippers away isn’t going to stop him. No, I’m not saying all men cheat but a lot do. It is what is. When you walk into a marriage you never REALLY KNOW what your man is going to do.

If you are threatened by the stripper, what about the woman who he sees everyday? You know the woman who may be your equal in the neighborhood.... the chick he works with (the super cute sexy one), the mom on the PTA (who just got divorced or her hubby is always out of town), etc. These women are the women who I feel is a bigger threat. He can build a relationship bigger than sex with these women. They probably have something in common aside from the obvious. If you getting married, I would assume build a relationship similar to what you and him have. If you are worried about stripper from before day one of forever, what are you going to be doing as he is working along side her day after day or when he sees her when he picks up Jr. from school? #butImjustsaying

Too Fast/Too Soon

Every frog isn't a prince....


Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly; you look up and you’re all alone? You hop back into the dating pool to find that the good fish in the sea are few and far between. You begin to wonder that you might have been better off in the rocky relationship. Now, me and my F you independent woman attitude refuse to stay there long, but as you’ve probably noticed, I’m a special case....

I have a friend who recently has walked down this path. When she came to the realization that the good fish in the sea are hard to find, she immediately hopped out, dried off went ashore - back to what she knew. I’ll admit I was a little weary of the rekindling of the flames especially considering the details of the relationship and how it ended. I don’t believe that all dogs to go heaven, but they do deserve a second chance to get it right. LOL! If she left behind the rose colored glasses and took things slowly, they could possibly have a love-filled committed relationship. They both needed to be honest about their feelings, what happened, and own up to their contributions to the relationship’s demise. A loving relationship takes effort from both parties and time to develop. Before I knew it she was engaged! I am that friend, that will share in your excitement because it is an exciting time in anyone's life. Although, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision for her. As a good friend, I want my friends to be happy and enjoy the love that I have seen so many people share over a lifetime. But was it too fast too soon? Or was this her fairy tale ending? I don’t claim to be a relationship expert or psychologist, but I can’t avoid being a bit skeptical that it all happened in the blink of an eye.

With that said, I pose the questions to my friends who are preparing to walk down the aisle and enter wedded bliss! I’ve asked myself these questions while sitting with significant others from time to time. Is this the man I want to wake up next to for eternity? Am I happy? Are we happy? How do we treat each other? I am his queen? Is he my king? Are we willing to put the other 1st? Marriage is intended to be a life long commitment and 50+years is a LONG time. We all want our story to end, “And they lived happily ever after!”

What's Your Story?

Waiting on Prince Charming....

If I had a quarter every time I heard this question, I would buy me my Mercedes.
Why do men meet a woman who is all around awesome and ask that crazy ass question in its many forms? “So, ummm… Why are you single? Where is your man? Why hasn’t some man scooped you up yet? (Am I being served at Ben and Jerry’s?)” We all know we’ve heard these questions one too many times.

But here’s my story…..

In a far away land lives a young maiden, she works hard every day following her dreams. One day prince charming comes in and sweeps her off her feet. They get married and live happily ever after.

The End


Well, this is what I was told would happen or maybe I almost got there; however, the version that I heard omitted SEVERAL details. “Prince Charming” so far has not been what I’ve envisioned him to be. I am the girl who rushes to the store to buy Disney princess movies the very day they are released from the vault. I’ve seen “The Princess and the Frog” more times than my entire kindergarten class combined. I believe in chivalry and being swept away. I’m a hopeless romantic. My “Prince Charming” is handsome, hardworking, dedicated, loving, trustworthy, patient, athletic, smells good (ALWAYS a plus), committed, ambitious and who understands my mix of traditional ideals and my independent woman mentality. He understands that I will provide the bacon and fry it without question, but also to understand that he too has a role to play. His role is not to just eat the bacon or decide for me which role I’m playing. Most importantly, he believes in THE MAN and allows Him to direct his paths. In my fairy tale, these are the attributes that my “Prince Charming” possesses. Am I asking too much? Am I too “picky”? If I am, shoot me for knowing what I want and not being afraid to wait for it.
Unfortunately, the men that I have had the opportunity to date didn’t work for me. Don’t worry I’ve met several what appeared to be the “cream of the crop”. I am twice an alumnus of Howard University in Washington, DC. I’ve encountered plenty of outstanding men, but neither a fancy car nor a lucrative career guarantee that you’ll make a great potential husband. It’s the little things that matter the most. How do we treat each other? How do we treat others? How do we make each other feel? How do we maximize the time we spend together? How do we want to spend our future, making every moment count?

This Cinderella is still looking for her glass slipper.

What’s your story? (Hey! I really want to know and not just checking to see if you are good “catch”? :-D )