Homie... Lover... Friend

So when I was about 20, a "friend" announced to me in the mall that she "had my man." I remember looking at her thinking: "excuse me, heifer?!" Upon further investigation, I found out all and more than I cared to know about their little situation. How much more you ask? Let’s just say I was livid then and many years later, it still irks me.I present this scenario for 2 reasons:

1) I admit that I've done my share of effed up things, but I wouldn't dare broadcast or brag about them. This poor child thought it was cool to announce her role as “my man’s” jump off. *__* Did this somehow make her better than me? *bbm confused face* She clearly had some self-esteem issues and scars that were far too jacked up to be repaired. Welp, there is another little girl somewhere who can be saved. Luckily, I’ve had respectable male figures who kept me in line while giving me appropriate male attention. I didn't need to run out and search for love and affection when I became of age. It is our responsibility to ensure that little brown girls everywhere know their true value and that it doesn't reside between their thighs. A woman's worth lies in her heart, mind, and soul.

2.) I know you're saying that this happened like 6 or 7 years ago, Let. It. Go. I honestly thought I had, but about a year ago it came full circle and stared me in the face. When it originally happened, I decided that he and I could NEVER work in that way, but a year ago as I began my blog, his "name" was mentioned. I have spent the last year coming to terms with the fact that I have had to "share". I have issues; I don't knowingly want any one's sloppy-seconds. I can't stand when a dude tries to date someone in my circle and then tries to date me; he gets played. I’ve had a hard time not making my current "relationship" a sloppy-seconds scenario, especially since I was first...lol! With much reflection and assessment of the situation, I can say I have made peace enough to move forward. Would I leave them in a room unsupervised? Ummm…HELL NO!

Go With Life's Flow

Going with life's flow...

Every time I log on to the “Book of Faces”, my timeline is flooded with engagement pictures, family pictures, and let’s not forget the baby bumps. Hey! I am 20 something which means most of my friends are in their 20s and are quickly approaching 30 something (if they haven’t already reached that milestone). That’s what 20 somethings do, right? You know, they get married, have babies, take family photos, etc. It’s just the progression of life...right?

Then, I get the inevitable phone call/text from my friend: “Did you see that (insert random person’s name) is (insert exciting life milestone)? Why are WE getting left behind on life?”

Hold up! Wait a minute?! We?! Bahahahha no, boo-boo! WE are not getting left behind. I’m just going with the flow and letting life happen and I’m cool with that. LOL She may feel that she is getting left behind on life... still on the “search” for true love, wanting the happily ever after part of the fairy tale. Now I’ll admit that I, too, have those thoughts from time to time. That’s kinda what happens at my age, but I’ve learned time and time again that the grass isn’t ALWAYS greener on the other side. Do I really need to be in a rush to give up the me I love and the life I’ve built for the WE (husband and kids)?

We as women need to naturally go with plan that was already put in place for us; let our lives take their own course. We are not always going to arrive at the same milestones at the same time. Hey, some of my friends’ kids will probably be going to the prom before my baby shower... *Kanye Shrugs* but that is the progression of my life. To answer my own question, after I go from ME to WE... “me-time” may be gone forever, well at least ‘til the little part of WE and my money goes off to college. Until that time, I’m going let life happen. Who knows, my ME may eventually turn into WE, but it will be on my life’s timeline and not based upon anyone else’s.

Act Like a Lady... Think Like a Man

If you know me, you probably would classify me as a “Southern Belle”,you know a “prissy girl”. There are things that my country self swears by: I always must have earrings, I tend to be quiet (unless I’m in my “Sasha” mode), etc. It’s just who I am. Even in my fitted t-shirt and flat shoe lifestyle I get this label often, but in some aspects of my life I’m not sooooo girlie.

My friends, who grew up with me, assume that I have no heart. *kanye shrugs* Actually, it’s not a horrible assumption. I don’t usually openly discuss my love life and I DO NOT do PDA! YUCK! LOL (Okay, I’ve done it maybe once.... but that’s another story.) Example: In high school, my boyfriend dumped me...whomp whomp whomp; I get to school and my friends were asking a zillion questions. My response: I don’t know and I don’t care. They believed that I should have pleaded with this boy to stay with me...NOPE!! Not I! He can bounce (especially if he’s waiting on all that)! And life went on.... I don’t fall in love every other week and do a lot of those “girlie” things.

I would completely classify myself as the ultimate bachelorette. I have no real issue when I’m only a man’s option because he’s probably the same with me. *kanye shrugs* I play my role and I let his actions dictate what that is and then I decide if I’m willing to play along. Contrary to this blog, I’ve realized I may not really be seriously looking for love (although I may wander upon it). I enjoy going out getting a few drinks (hopefully free), giving out my number with no real intentions on answering. I enjoy the single girl lifestyle and its perks. Now you may be judging me but, If I was a dude would you?

5 Things to do as a Single Woman

Here are my 5 must-dos for a single woman.

Most women will not get married before the age 35. We all need something to do as we wait on Mr. Right!

5 - Do something fun! Enjoy life!

4 - Chill the fuck out! Your husband is coming (more than likely) and you need to enjoy your life RIGHT NOW!

3 - Learn something to make you better. Take a pole dancing class or a cooking class, etc. It’s the little things make life better/more enjoyable, and hey - your future Mr. won’t mind these little extras. ;-)

2- Save some money and work on the credit that you may or may not have totally disregarded in college! You may want to have a wedding or a buy a house someday. Let’s not forget those little expensive people that result from a happy union. Aside from that, it’s always nice to have a little money in the bank to cushion us from life’s unexpected blows, whether single or married.

1- See the world and travel! The world has SO much to offer. Go check it out! Have an Eat, Pray, Love moment! And there is no better time than now!

Recorded in beautiful Peurta Vallarta, Mexico.

Black Love

I am firm believer in following your heart. If you find someone you like or are interested in pursuing, GO FOR IT!! True love is hard to find. I know people who I feel who have made genuine connections that are not based on racial differences. In the movie Something New, the single black business woman finds love in her white (sexy as HELL) landscape architect. Let me just say I LOVE IT.

But I do have a problem with a particular type of black man who is by far not representative of all black men. Black women you KNOW the ones I’m speaking of - the ones who tend to stereotype, rather than appreciate us [regular old black women]. According to them, we have too many attitudes and mood swings, speak our minds a little too often and refuse to put up with their shit. We won’t be walked over and we will check you if necessary. You know, they think we are bitches. O_o They would much rather chase after the gorgeous girl who is not black or the one who doesn’t claim her African-American heritage. Now I’m not a hater andI have nothing but love for these women and I can’t blame them for loving the black men flock to them. My problem solely lies with the mentality of the “flockers.” I’m confused when it comes to them. What makes them feel that just because these women are not black they will make a better girlfriend, wife or mother? Maybe she does all the little pointless things that us regular old black women don’t. OH WAIT! I know many black women who do those things like folding socks a certain way, cooking hot dogs a special way, etc. They do these things for the men they adore who adore them in return. I look at the men with this mentality that I know personally, they were raised by their black mother. Are women with the same characteristics as their mothers not good enough? O_o The mothers I know who have raised these men seemed to have done a pretty decent job with them, aside from this one issue. In my opinion, their mentality is not only a slap in my face, but also their mothers’ as well.

I will say that not all hope is lost in black men making a black love connection. Not all men have that awful mentality. Some men in general LOVE a black woman. To you men out there, we appreciate your love! I am sure that there is a black leading lady out there for you that is the perfect fit. Thanks for not buying into to those awful stereotypes and continuing to appreciate our strengths while encouraging us past our weaknesses. Roger Ebert, Chris Rock, Will Smith, Jay-Z, and BARACK love their black leading ladies. This leading lady continues to look for her leading man.

Summer Boo

This just can't be summer love or can it?

The weather is breaking and the clothes are coming off. As the spring turns to summer, I have a lot of free time on my hands. The school year is coming to an end and my indoor football season comes to close and prepares to transition into the next season. I look around and I have nothing to do. I need something to keep me busy. I need a summer boo!

You know someone to keep my company through the summer. I need someone to ride the coasters with at King’s Dominion, go to the beach with, go see all the summer’s hottest movies with, and sit with and watch movies with during the summer storms. A summer fling or summer love as Justin Timberlake would say is what I need. As summer comes to an end so would this... Taking applications for Summer Boo 2011... but don’t get this application confused with the Mr. Right application. LOL

He/I Didn't Stand a Chance

Now, on to the next one...


Upon starting my blog, I decided that I was not going to bring up “this situation”, but after a few months at it, I’ve decided that at this point I want to and I will. Hey - it’s my blog and I can write what I want…

After graduating from my beloved HU, I decided that I needed a break from our nation’s capital, so I moved to my beloved VA’s capital, Richmond, VA. My days of afternoon happy hours, Friday/Saturday night dresses and heels, and FINE black educated men were over! (Somebody should’ve warned me!) At the end of my first (horrible) year of teaching, “he” walks. He was like the first man I had seen in what felt like years, and (of course) he was an athlete. Neither of us stood a chance from jump…

To make a rather long and boring story short, a little less than a month later, to conclude the celebration of another 21st birthday, we went out for dinner. Before I know it, I’m heading into this “relationship” unsure of where it’s going. Rather than over-analyze things, I decide to go with the flow. At first, his game was good. I’ll admit I’m a sucker for that BS. You know walks in the park, trips down by the James (River), etc. Then one day, the honeymoon was over and the real BS began. First, it starts with me paying for more and more of the “dates” which was cool at first. (I like to eat out and I don’t really expect a man to treat me EVERY TIME we go out.) Then dates only happened if I said I wanted to go out or offered to treat…O_o. Eventually, our dates became outings with the two of us and his homeboy (luckily he was cool and probably reading this so #shoutout to him.). All of a sudden, it hit me. I was living my WORST nightmare. He was sitting on MY couch, watching MY TV, eating the food I bought and cooked. I felt as though I was getting a glimpse of what a future with him entailed… my heart stopped. I couldn’t and WOULDN’T live a life where I was bringing home the bacon, cooking it, and living based on his convenience.

It was down hill for him from there. After several attempts to end the relationship and admitting to him that I was looking for his replacement/upgrade, he was living on borrowed time. Living in RVA, this has been easier said than done, a year and a half later and still, I technically haven’t found a replacement here. For some odd reason, I couldn’t get out, that is, until… he “let me” out of the web I was seemingly tangled in.

He hopped on a plane, moved clear across the country without so much as a call, text, or Facebook message…

And 6 months later when he deemed it convenient to talk, he hit me up as though nothing had happened and everything is peachy. His conversations and memories hint to me that he believes he is/was the best thing to ever hit my life... (as if that was even close to the case...). And he continues to come at me with this nonsense...

But I would like to thank him. Through this relationship I feel that I grew to be more open. Unafraid to express myself. I've learned to be more appreciative of those qualities that I desire in a mate because they are clearly few and far between. As I look forward to new relationships I see in the future, I'm eager to grow with my mate (when he's found (if not already)). I cannot continue this trial and error/wtf was I thinking lifestyle? In the meantime, I’ll live by the words my brother-in-law Jay-Z..... "I'm on to the next one..."

Don't Put All Your Eggs in 1 Basket

As I grow... I keep my options open


In honor of Easter/Spring…

How many times have you heard this cliché: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket?” One too many times, I’m sure. Whoever started this was definitely onto something; something that I use in my life’s pursuit. Men make habit of keeping their options open and as young, mobile professional women, so should we. Sometimes we find a man that we’re into - things are going well, we’re chatting, we’ve gone on a few dates and then discover that he’s dating other people and end up disappointed when we discover we are only one of his many options. Now, I’ll admit I’m not crazy about the concept of casual dating, but as I mature, I realize that it isn’t so bad as long as it’s kept casual and things don’t get too personal with the men I decide to keep around.

As I continue, my pursuit I keep this in mind. I have my boos who I talk to, kick it with, etc. I plan to keep it this way until one of my " boos" and I decide we to make our relationship exclusive. Until that time, I'm going to keep a dollar worth of dimes...LOL! Well, maybe more like a penny, a couple of nickels, a dime or two and a quarter ;-).

Happy Spring!

What's Your Story?

Waiting on Prince Charming....

If I had a quarter every time I heard this question, I would buy me my Mercedes.
Why do men meet a woman who is all around awesome and ask that crazy ass question in its many forms? “So, ummm… Why are you single? Where is your man? Why hasn’t some man scooped you up yet? (Am I being served at Ben and Jerry’s?)” We all know we’ve heard these questions one too many times.

But here’s my story…..

In a far away land lives a young maiden, she works hard every day following her dreams. One day prince charming comes in and sweeps her off her feet. They get married and live happily ever after.

The End


Well, this is what I was told would happen or maybe I almost got there; however, the version that I heard omitted SEVERAL details. “Prince Charming” so far has not been what I’ve envisioned him to be. I am the girl who rushes to the store to buy Disney princess movies the very day they are released from the vault. I’ve seen “The Princess and the Frog” more times than my entire kindergarten class combined. I believe in chivalry and being swept away. I’m a hopeless romantic. My “Prince Charming” is handsome, hardworking, dedicated, loving, trustworthy, patient, athletic, smells good (ALWAYS a plus), committed, ambitious and who understands my mix of traditional ideals and my independent woman mentality. He understands that I will provide the bacon and fry it without question, but also to understand that he too has a role to play. His role is not to just eat the bacon or decide for me which role I’m playing. Most importantly, he believes in THE MAN and allows Him to direct his paths. In my fairy tale, these are the attributes that my “Prince Charming” possesses. Am I asking too much? Am I too “picky”? If I am, shoot me for knowing what I want and not being afraid to wait for it.
Unfortunately, the men that I have had the opportunity to date didn’t work for me. Don’t worry I’ve met several what appeared to be the “cream of the crop”. I am twice an alumnus of Howard University in Washington, DC. I’ve encountered plenty of outstanding men, but neither a fancy car nor a lucrative career guarantee that you’ll make a great potential husband. It’s the little things that matter the most. How do we treat each other? How do we treat others? How do we make each other feel? How do we maximize the time we spend together? How do we want to spend our future, making every moment count?

This Cinderella is still looking for her glass slipper.

What’s your story? (Hey! I really want to know and not just checking to see if you are good “catch”? :-D )

The Shared Journey Begins

The face of a single woman...

In the last month, I have had friends, associates, old boos, and family members call me bougie* or complain that I’m too private. I think that I've been misunderstood. I enjoy nice things, want what I want and I refuse to settle for less. Does that make me bougie? This blog is my response to those accusations and begins my attempt to becoming more understood. I am going to share my experiences with whomever so wishes to follow me on my journey as I pursue love and happiness. This is a huge step for a girl who keeps a secret well…. Especially her own. Enjoy!

I am a 25 year old (this is the only time I will admit it) young woman who hasn’t had a “boyfriend” since I was 17. I have had several relationships that have led to NOwhere. I have been blessed when it comes to relationships because they haven’t been bad relationships; just not right for me. I'm sure these men of the past will each eventually make some woman very happy, unfortunately, for various reasons I couldn’t be her. These men either didn’t want to be in a relationship, were suffering from bachelor syndrome, or thought they could sweet talk me and go home to 'her'. (I left out needing to know where I was every second of the day…I’m still trying to forget that crazy man)! I have a daddy and I can think for myself. Cinderella’s glass slipper was a perfect fit and so mine should be too. Am I crazy for thinking that MY perfect man is out there? Are my friends and I that refuse to settle for any ole’ man destined to be single forever? If so, I will accept my destiny but will enjoy the ride along the way (and I’m inviting you to come along). I am happy now and refuse to settle just to have a ring and two incomes, yet be miserable. The only thing I’m settling for is my happiness.