Too Fast/Too Soon

Every frog isn't a prince....


Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly; you look up and you’re all alone? You hop back into the dating pool to find that the good fish in the sea are few and far between. You begin to wonder that you might have been better off in the rocky relationship. Now, me and my F you independent woman attitude refuse to stay there long, but as you’ve probably noticed, I’m a special case....

I have a friend who recently has walked down this path. When she came to the realization that the good fish in the sea are hard to find, she immediately hopped out, dried off went ashore - back to what she knew. I’ll admit I was a little weary of the rekindling of the flames especially considering the details of the relationship and how it ended. I don’t believe that all dogs to go heaven, but they do deserve a second chance to get it right. LOL! If she left behind the rose colored glasses and took things slowly, they could possibly have a love-filled committed relationship. They both needed to be honest about their feelings, what happened, and own up to their contributions to the relationship’s demise. A loving relationship takes effort from both parties and time to develop. Before I knew it she was engaged! I am that friend, that will share in your excitement because it is an exciting time in anyone's life. Although, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision for her. As a good friend, I want my friends to be happy and enjoy the love that I have seen so many people share over a lifetime. But was it too fast too soon? Or was this her fairy tale ending? I don’t claim to be a relationship expert or psychologist, but I can’t avoid being a bit skeptical that it all happened in the blink of an eye.

With that said, I pose the questions to my friends who are preparing to walk down the aisle and enter wedded bliss! I’ve asked myself these questions while sitting with significant others from time to time. Is this the man I want to wake up next to for eternity? Am I happy? Are we happy? How do we treat each other? I am his queen? Is he my king? Are we willing to put the other 1st? Marriage is intended to be a life long commitment and 50+years is a LONG time. We all want our story to end, “And they lived happily ever after!”

Your Type

Jamie Foxx hit the nail on the head with this one... I always seem to fall for your type or let’s just say your type always falls for me. Then, I get sucked in like a soda through a straw. I’ll admit it, I have a huge appreciation for athletes - and HEY...they love me! (Can you blame them?) LOL!

Here’s my problem, these men are in tip-top shape, gorgeous, dedicated and competitive, but I always seem to face other issues with them… the insecurities, the not-so-bright jocks and worst of all...the cocky attitudes (which don’t mesh well with mine). The insecure athlete drives me insane. He constantly waits for you to toot his horn. He wants you as his personal cheerleader. I need him to be confident in himself and his abilities. I understand that in his opinion he is the best at whatever he does; however, my life does not allow me to don my silver boots and pom poms on a daily basis. The “jock” is the athlete that I attempt to steer clear of. He has too many issues that I can’t begin to tackle. Life for him has been a breeze, a steak dinner served on a silver platter. He’s oblivious to hard work aside from the work he puts in on the field or court. I need the athlete to have a legit plan B and ready to work with it. I’m not saying to give up on your dream of making it to the pros, but things happen. Life happens. I do know a few of my old athlete boos who this DOES NOT describe! They were about business and I admired and appreciated that about them. The last type of athlete I’ve struggled with it the cocky MF-ers who think they are God’s gift to me and the rest of the world! We butt heads out of the gate. No further explanation needed.

I’ve had experiences with my share of athletes; however, football players, runners, and wrestlers tend to be a common theme. Within the past year, I have realized my issues and tried to stay away from the “athlete” boos. If you see an athlete please don’t send him my way... LOL. My "new" (maybe it's not THAT new) obsession.... men in uniform.... LOL

Ho to a HOusewife vs Independent Women

After watching the season finale of Basketball Wives, I was appalled! I’ll admit, it was the first time I actually sat and watched the show, but boy did I pick a good episode to start watching. VH-1 has developed an entire series about women who have for lack of a better term “slept their way to the top!” These women have married, slept with, and dated athletes and have become famous. as a result. Now I will admit I do have respect for the one’s who “lucked” up and married the “right” man. Although, I do wonder where do I need to sign up to get one? I can take care of myself with no problem, but I could also enjoy an “upgrade” in life. I often wonder, where are the athletes who have met and married respectable hard-working women? Or have these “housewives” pulled a “Melanie” and sacrificed their dreams for to support her husbands’? Now, the REAL reason for my disgust at the entire “wives” phenomenon...Evelyn. This woman has very little class and has shown the entire viewing public that she has and will continue sleeping her way to the “top”. She slept with her castmate’s husband, had her own basketball-playing finance, and SLEPT WITH Ocho Cinco of the 1st date! They say that you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, but Evelyn seems to be getting a lot of love from somebody. Here is my issue, as I look around my circle of successful, professional, well-educated, and classy women, many of us are single. I will admit that many of us are single because we have a low tolerance for bullshit that many of these “basketball wives” accept in exchange for the life of luxury. However, it really bothers me that Evelyn is enjoying a life of luxury because she’s probably given a few more rides than amtrak (that’s just me speculating). I pose a question to my men who are reading this - what do you look for in a woman? Would you rather turn the hoe into a housewife or strong woman holding her own? Your response won’t really have an impact on MY behavior...just curious to know what I’m dealing with as I “pursue love.”

Black and Proud

Being who I am, I couldn’t just let Black History Month (and now Women’s History Month) come and go and not acknowledge the two months of the year that have been dedicated to me. The fight of the Black woman has spanned generations and unfortunately, continues. As I look around, I realize that the fight has endured because of the contributions and “never give up” mantra of the many of the historical giants who have come before me. For that, I thank them. I thank them for breaking barriers and allowing me to look into a mirror and love my black self!

In 2011, black is beautiful. We have so many women (and men) who are iconic and are black beauty. As a result, I love being Black more and more everyday. Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been subjected to “real” Black struggle in my life, especially considering that I was born and raised in south central VA. I went to a private school at a young age where race was never mentioned. I was even voted to homecoming court at a school where none of the teachers whom I loved looked like me - I never saw them as different.

Now, my struggle with “being Back” came from other Black individuals after leaving private school. My hair was too nappy or I was too dark, etc. As Black people, we must embrace other people who look like us - the beautiful mix of browns, hair textures, styles, etc. regardless of our differences and abilities. Embrace Black and whatever it means to you.

Men all over the world, love us and all our glory. Don’t throw us to the wayside because we are outspoken, opinionated and refuse to settle for bullshit. This is who we are. This is why we have advanced thus far.

Black women embrace yourself and love it. Yes, my neck spins and pops when I talk and get angry. I have a major bitch hidden (deep) down inside who is willing to make her presence known. I have head of nappy hair that I will hit with that creamy crack and sew, clip or braid in some extensions or let blow in the wind in some sort of Afro looking style. When the music plays, my hips and feet find the beat. My skin is brown, my eyes and my hair are too.... I love MY Black!

So embrace YOU! If you start there I am sure HAPPINESS won’t be too far behind.

Happiness

I feel like I have focused a lot on love in my blog, but I have left out another important part.... HAPPINESS. Love has a part in being happy but it isn’t the only factor. Happiness is a state of being. A lot of things go into being happy. Overall, happiness can mean living “the good life”. Now here is where the issue comes, what constitutes “living the good life”? My meaning and your meaning may be completely different and I can name at least 10 people who fall into that category. And I’m sure what the good life to you means to you changes over time. What made my life good at 15 would not be the “good life” now.

The good life for me right now is hmm..... handling my own, having meaningful relationships with the people around me (family and friends), doing the things I love, living life and enjoying every breath of air, experiencing the good, the bad, and the ugly (I try to limit the bad and ugly) and learning and growing from them...What does living the good life mean to you?

Single and Fabulous

After my rant about me hating Valentine's Day, I figured I should redeem myself. To set the record straight, I am single and LOVING it! I am living a life that I am enjoying. I have the job that I want and I currently like most days (when I don't have to deal with adults). I get to dance SEVERAL times a week and my body look better than I did 10 years ago( I finally mastered making my boobs look like they finally grew in...LOL) . I get up and go when I get ready and stayed involved in all the wonderful things in which I want to be involved. I have had and continue to have opportunity to see the world. The most common words in this paragraph are my and I. So, if you haven't noticed I love me!

I look around and I'm sure I'm not READY (and for some may never be) for the other options. I work with kids all day; I really don't think I want to leave work and deal with my own kids. Now I have quite a few friends with bundles of "joy" and a niece who lives with me but they are not my children. I can deal with them when I want and not be bothered when I don’t. Now don't get me wrong, I love kids but I don't care to have any of my own at the moment.

Then there is the man option. Having a boyfriend/boo has its perks but it also comes with disadvantages. I understand that not all relationships are drama-filled and loveless, but I can’t help but feel some kind of way as I look at some of my friends’ relationships. I wasn’t built to handle my phone blowing up every from a man asking a zillion questions because he feels like he is my only contact in the outside world each time my Facebook or twitter accounts shows some activity - I would go insane! Another aspect of relationships that I have a hard time handling…checking in. We all must admit we do it regardless of the nature of the relationship, not only when the relationship lacks trust or when we’re curious about his location and what/who he’s doing. Nor could I handle the abuser (verbal, physical, psychological or sexual, to name a few) or let me just say he probably couldn't handle me. I will admit I have control issues and I very seriously doubt that I would ever live with having that little control in any relationship. I do believe my love for myself would make it hard for any man to belittle me, destroy my self-esteem/self-confidence or physically abuse me (I will fight back even knowing my ass will probably get kicked but, I'm not gonna just sit and let anybody beat my ass!)

Luckily for me, I don't believe that being the "Single Woman" is a straight path to becoming that old bitter black woman. I have seen women who live into old age happy with the single life and all they have accomplished on their own. If that is the woman I am destined to become, I'll be happy with all it has to offer! Sure, I still hope that one day I'll find someone I love just as much as love myself to share my life with, until then... the single life continues and I'm enjoying every second of it!

Valentine's Day

On February 14th, I am a TRUE primary school teacher. I have to wear red or pink. The theme is hearts...hearts here...hearts there...hearts everywhere! Of course I have to share pink frosted cupcakes on heart plates. We share our love for one another all day long. After a day of being forced to spread love, by nightfall....I HATE Valentine’s Day aka well Singles Awareness Day. It has become a yearly reminder that I am single. Every time I enter a store, I and every other single person are overwhelmed by the flood of hearts and lovey-dovey bullshit. In the event that the other 364 days I forgot that I am single (which I didn’t and don’t), February 14th is the slap in the face.



Now I will admit that this day is not always a bummer. I like to give credit where credit is due. There were a few men throughout my life who get the “You Got Game” award (genuine or not) for Valentine’s Day. Shout out to the 10th grade boyfriend, he had game. Shout out to both the guys who sent roses my senior in high school, they had game (and apparently so did I). Shout out to the freshman year in college boo... his game was the best. I admit, I have a historuy of being a sucker for good game. It doesn’t matter how “real” they keep it, it's the thought that counts. Even the bullshitters who have game have put in some degree of work, an I appreciate it.



Now to the lames who show up at 10pm with all that lovey-dovey bullshit picked up from the neighborhood CVS, after they've started mark downs...they should have saved their money and spared me the reminder that I need an upgrade.

Luckily for myself, I am good cheap date on this day! LOL. Single Awareness doesn’t mean I’m depressed. The day is meant to show your love and appreciation to and for loved ones. I do believe in showing myself some love. It means a great dinner, some good reading and a good bottle of wine (all which I can afford on my own), while reminiscing about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

To all you lovers out there, I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. For us single ladies and gents, Happy Single’s Awareness Day!