Homie... Lover... Friend

So when I was about 20, a "friend" announced to me in the mall that she "had my man." I remember looking at her thinking: "excuse me, heifer?!" Upon further investigation, I found out all and more than I cared to know about their little situation. How much more you ask? Let’s just say I was livid then and many years later, it still irks me.I present this scenario for 2 reasons:

1) I admit that I've done my share of effed up things, but I wouldn't dare broadcast or brag about them. This poor child thought it was cool to announce her role as “my man’s” jump off. *__* Did this somehow make her better than me? *bbm confused face* She clearly had some self-esteem issues and scars that were far too jacked up to be repaired. Welp, there is another little girl somewhere who can be saved. Luckily, I’ve had respectable male figures who kept me in line while giving me appropriate male attention. I didn't need to run out and search for love and affection when I became of age. It is our responsibility to ensure that little brown girls everywhere know their true value and that it doesn't reside between their thighs. A woman's worth lies in her heart, mind, and soul.

2.) I know you're saying that this happened like 6 or 7 years ago, Let. It. Go. I honestly thought I had, but about a year ago it came full circle and stared me in the face. When it originally happened, I decided that he and I could NEVER work in that way, but a year ago as I began my blog, his "name" was mentioned. I have spent the last year coming to terms with the fact that I have had to "share". I have issues; I don't knowingly want any one's sloppy-seconds. I can't stand when a dude tries to date someone in my circle and then tries to date me; he gets played. I’ve had a hard time not making my current "relationship" a sloppy-seconds scenario, especially since I was first...lol! With much reflection and assessment of the situation, I can say I have made peace enough to move forward. Would I leave them in a room unsupervised? Ummm…HELL NO!

Back Story

I didn't ALWAYS go home after those Varsity Basketball Games...

So in recent weeks, I've decided to charge full force ahead with this Jay-Z thing. Things seem to have gotten a little more serious with us. Ok, so here’s a little background information on this "relationship”, considering that it may become a hot topic in my blog: Jay-Z’s and my relationship dates back about 10 years when we were both in high school. Technically, you could say that we're 10 years strong like Bey and Jay (cue Beyonce). He was that high school boo who I "talked" to off and on during my junior and senior year, but NEVER officially dated. After high school, he went to VMI and I went the real HU. And we lived happily ever after...SIKE! We did remain friends, but didn't really reconnect until after graduating from college. And the story continues....

Missed Opportunities

If it's meant to be it will be....

As I look back over my “love (or lack thereof) life”, I realize there have been several missed opportunities that I will just have to take the blame for. I may be the reason why I am single while approaching yet another 21st birthday.

There was(were) the guy(s) that I turned down, because I was in a pointless “relationship” (I use the term relationship loosely). Then, there were the guys that I passed on because I was focused on doing me or tired and didn’t feel like dealing with the extra bs. Let’s keep it real, a time came and I didn’t have time to add another thing to my plate. I usually am this way to keep me from getting bored and focusing on the negative things.

Sometimes, I sit and reflect on these possible missed opportunities. There was the dental student (I’ll talk about this one because I KNOW he’s not reading this.). He was tall, dark, handsome, strong looking, and had “swag” (yea, I said it), but a sister was too tired to put in the energy to start this relationship at the end of senior year. Was this possibly a bad idea? Could he have been Mr. Right?

Then I think, where those “missed opportunities” really that missed? If it was meant to be it will be… or at least that’s what I believe. There have been “missed opportunities” that have come back around. Two in particular missed opportunities are Jay-Z and Mr. LT. (I’m going out on the limb talking too much about this because I’m pretty sure they read this although they “act” like they don’t.) Jay-Z and I have come full circle several times. Let’s just say he is my go to boo and it seems to be mutual. Then there is Mr. LT. Once upon a time I was young and wrapped up in some lame relationship… I passed on this one. MANY MANY years later here we are. It has come full circle. I do believe that “us” wasn’t meant to be right then and for all I know it may not be meant to be now (but my fingers are crossed for it to be). We were both young and need to grow and participate in our own ignorance and learn to appreciate greatness.

Even with the potential in that missed opportunity, I have learned to seize the opportunities that are given to me. Who knows where life will take me with the opportunities given and doors open. I will continue to go with life’s flow, while embracing new opportunities that arise and those that have been presented to me a second time around.

Too Fast/Too Soon

Every frog isn't a prince....


Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly; you look up and you’re all alone? You hop back into the dating pool to find that the good fish in the sea are few and far between. You begin to wonder that you might have been better off in the rocky relationship. Now, me and my F you independent woman attitude refuse to stay there long, but as you’ve probably noticed, I’m a special case....

I have a friend who recently has walked down this path. When she came to the realization that the good fish in the sea are hard to find, she immediately hopped out, dried off went ashore - back to what she knew. I’ll admit I was a little weary of the rekindling of the flames especially considering the details of the relationship and how it ended. I don’t believe that all dogs to go heaven, but they do deserve a second chance to get it right. LOL! If she left behind the rose colored glasses and took things slowly, they could possibly have a love-filled committed relationship. They both needed to be honest about their feelings, what happened, and own up to their contributions to the relationship’s demise. A loving relationship takes effort from both parties and time to develop. Before I knew it she was engaged! I am that friend, that will share in your excitement because it is an exciting time in anyone's life. Although, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision for her. As a good friend, I want my friends to be happy and enjoy the love that I have seen so many people share over a lifetime. But was it too fast too soon? Or was this her fairy tale ending? I don’t claim to be a relationship expert or psychologist, but I can’t avoid being a bit skeptical that it all happened in the blink of an eye.

With that said, I pose the questions to my friends who are preparing to walk down the aisle and enter wedded bliss! I’ve asked myself these questions while sitting with significant others from time to time. Is this the man I want to wake up next to for eternity? Am I happy? Are we happy? How do we treat each other? I am his queen? Is he my king? Are we willing to put the other 1st? Marriage is intended to be a life long commitment and 50+years is a LONG time. We all want our story to end, “And they lived happily ever after!”