It's A Small World

So a few weeks ago, my parents came to visit here in RVA. We, along with my aunt and uncle, went to church. I’ll admit it; I was cute! Hey, I like to be fresh for Jesus. I wore a black pencil skirt with tan pinstripes, a tan sweater, nude pumps, and a burnt orange jacket. After church, we decided on a late breakfast at Aunt Sarah’s, [my] favorite breakfast restaurant.
After arriving for breakfast, I sashayed into the restaurant (heels turned on my “Sasha Fierce” mode... lol). After being seated, I sat texting while waiting on my family. I decided I wanted to sit where I could see who was entering the restaurant, so I got up and moved my seating at the table. Before I moved, I really hadn’t paid any attention to the patrons sitting at the table next to me, aside from the fact they were black and looked to be roughly my age. As I moved, I glanced over and [saw] someone who I thought looked familiar. After a closer look, it hit me: that’s (insert his name), my sister’s old boo and his girlfriend! I glanced over again and saw another familiar face…his friend, my high school ex. I’m sure that one of the ladies at the table was his current significant other. Immediately, I decided I wasn't going to acknowledge them. Was I rude?!?! Ummm…maybe. LOL! Here’s my reasoning…

1. They were obviously out with their boos and the situation had the potential to become extremely awkward, really fast.

2. They clearly saw me first. How did I know this? Good question: I KNOW how I entered that restaurant. I was definitely in my "important person" mode and not as if I wore sneakers and a hoodie. If you know me, I’m sure you know the difference.

3. Neither of them ever parted their lips.

4. My parents were with me and know said non-speaking indvidual. I knew my father would definitely have made a scene.

5. This old boo was part of the motivation for [starting] this blog. Let’s just say the last time we talked like a year ago was not... ummm...positive. At all.

Regardless of your opinion of my decision to not speak, I didn’t and stand steadfast in my decision.

Sometimes Let. It. Go.

We’ve all been there. You know that “wonderful” (or so we hope and/or think) man that we meet. We fall head over heels for him. He has you “gone in the brain.” You’re doing all the things that your better judgment tells you that you shouldn’t. (Hey we’ve all been there; hell, some us are now.) Then it happens and you realize...He. Ain’t. Shit.

When you come to that realization, you feel all kinds of emotions. You’re angry, hurt, vengeful and shocked, to name a few. Hey, you may even act on a few of those feelings. I’m pretty sure I”m not the nice girl turned bitch out here...hmph. As time passes, love’s old battlefield wounds will heal or well should.....

Sometimes ladies we have to just have to make the decision to Let. It. Go. I’m not saying forget by any means because the experience should make you stronger and wiser with memory. You shouldn’t allow him to have control of your heart and mind forever. Eventually, we have to take it for what it is: the past and learn from it. When we take the loss and re-examine the relationship and realize and accept that we didn’t do everything right, lacked better judgment and had some red flags that we ingored and/or declined to pursue, we are able to love better the next time. *takes own advice* When we hold on to old hurts they weigh on us and our future relationships.

I thought I'd share this.... I don't agree with all of my friend's points (I love him, but he fits in the He. Aint. Shit category) but he makes a few good points we can all learn from.

** Cue Danity Kane’s “Damaged”...

The 1 Before "The One"

And THEY (not me) lived happily ever after...

Scenario: You’re in a relationship and everything is going great. You're both head over heels in love and then...the bottom falls out and you find yourself single and broken hearted - yet again. Fast forward a month. You’re fresh out of the gym, pumped and feeling great. You turn the corner and who do you see? Him...and wait, who the heck is she? He’s in a new relationship and it looks picture perfect. Then IT happens, all the congratulations on twitter, posts on the facebook wall and the inevitable facebook relationship status change. Engaged. You realize that you are the one before “The One.” Now this isn’t so much my story but more what I imagine one of my cousin’s story would be as I am an outsider looking in.

Now we’ve all seen this story line in movies before. Girl gets dumped by boy and hopes for boy to be miserable but that shit doesn’t happen. He’s the exact opposite. He is madly in love with the one that he left you for. They get married and live the life every girl dreams about, complete with the beautiful home, white picket fence, 2 adorable children and a dog. And you are still twiddling your thumbs waiting on happily ever after to happen.

As I write, I realize that this has happened to me and even more women who’d rather die than admit it. Ladies we must remember to stay positive. Let us put the bottle down, shut the fridge, steer away from the mall and close the box of chocolates. It will not make you feel better. Waiting for their happily ever after to come to an end will make you go even crazier than you already feel. Having hate in your heart may keep you from seeing the true blessing God has in store for you. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and the reason is not always meant for you to know. We have to let those things behind us go and keep looking forward to the blessings in front of us.

He/I Didn't Stand a Chance

Now, on to the next one...


Upon starting my blog, I decided that I was not going to bring up “this situation”, but after a few months at it, I’ve decided that at this point I want to and I will. Hey - it’s my blog and I can write what I want…

After graduating from my beloved HU, I decided that I needed a break from our nation’s capital, so I moved to my beloved VA’s capital, Richmond, VA. My days of afternoon happy hours, Friday/Saturday night dresses and heels, and FINE black educated men were over! (Somebody should’ve warned me!) At the end of my first (horrible) year of teaching, “he” walks. He was like the first man I had seen in what felt like years, and (of course) he was an athlete. Neither of us stood a chance from jump…

To make a rather long and boring story short, a little less than a month later, to conclude the celebration of another 21st birthday, we went out for dinner. Before I know it, I’m heading into this “relationship” unsure of where it’s going. Rather than over-analyze things, I decide to go with the flow. At first, his game was good. I’ll admit I’m a sucker for that BS. You know walks in the park, trips down by the James (River), etc. Then one day, the honeymoon was over and the real BS began. First, it starts with me paying for more and more of the “dates” which was cool at first. (I like to eat out and I don’t really expect a man to treat me EVERY TIME we go out.) Then dates only happened if I said I wanted to go out or offered to treat…O_o. Eventually, our dates became outings with the two of us and his homeboy (luckily he was cool and probably reading this so #shoutout to him.). All of a sudden, it hit me. I was living my WORST nightmare. He was sitting on MY couch, watching MY TV, eating the food I bought and cooked. I felt as though I was getting a glimpse of what a future with him entailed… my heart stopped. I couldn’t and WOULDN’T live a life where I was bringing home the bacon, cooking it, and living based on his convenience.

It was down hill for him from there. After several attempts to end the relationship and admitting to him that I was looking for his replacement/upgrade, he was living on borrowed time. Living in RVA, this has been easier said than done, a year and a half later and still, I technically haven’t found a replacement here. For some odd reason, I couldn’t get out, that is, until… he “let me” out of the web I was seemingly tangled in.

He hopped on a plane, moved clear across the country without so much as a call, text, or Facebook message…

And 6 months later when he deemed it convenient to talk, he hit me up as though nothing had happened and everything is peachy. His conversations and memories hint to me that he believes he is/was the best thing to ever hit my life... (as if that was even close to the case...). And he continues to come at me with this nonsense...

But I would like to thank him. Through this relationship I feel that I grew to be more open. Unafraid to express myself. I've learned to be more appreciative of those qualities that I desire in a mate because they are clearly few and far between. As I look forward to new relationships I see in the future, I'm eager to grow with my mate (when he's found (if not already)). I cannot continue this trial and error/wtf was I thinking lifestyle? In the meantime, I’ll live by the words my brother-in-law Jay-Z..... "I'm on to the next one..."

Too Fast/Too Soon

Every frog isn't a prince....


Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly; you look up and you’re all alone? You hop back into the dating pool to find that the good fish in the sea are few and far between. You begin to wonder that you might have been better off in the rocky relationship. Now, me and my F you independent woman attitude refuse to stay there long, but as you’ve probably noticed, I’m a special case....

I have a friend who recently has walked down this path. When she came to the realization that the good fish in the sea are hard to find, she immediately hopped out, dried off went ashore - back to what she knew. I’ll admit I was a little weary of the rekindling of the flames especially considering the details of the relationship and how it ended. I don’t believe that all dogs to go heaven, but they do deserve a second chance to get it right. LOL! If she left behind the rose colored glasses and took things slowly, they could possibly have a love-filled committed relationship. They both needed to be honest about their feelings, what happened, and own up to their contributions to the relationship’s demise. A loving relationship takes effort from both parties and time to develop. Before I knew it she was engaged! I am that friend, that will share in your excitement because it is an exciting time in anyone's life. Although, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision for her. As a good friend, I want my friends to be happy and enjoy the love that I have seen so many people share over a lifetime. But was it too fast too soon? Or was this her fairy tale ending? I don’t claim to be a relationship expert or psychologist, but I can’t avoid being a bit skeptical that it all happened in the blink of an eye.

With that said, I pose the questions to my friends who are preparing to walk down the aisle and enter wedded bliss! I’ve asked myself these questions while sitting with significant others from time to time. Is this the man I want to wake up next to for eternity? Am I happy? Are we happy? How do we treat each other? I am his queen? Is he my king? Are we willing to put the other 1st? Marriage is intended to be a life long commitment and 50+years is a LONG time. We all want our story to end, “And they lived happily ever after!”