The Stripper Delimma

A relationship should be filled with trust and FUN.... Life shouldn't end because you get a boo...

What happens in Vegas....

So on several occasions, I’ve had friends who were considering getting marriage. (I’ve previously pointed out I have only have 2 people whom I consider friends who are actually married) In the future when my friends are ready to take the walk down the aisle, I’ll be hype to plan their fun-filled night of ignorance also known as the bachelorette party. You know excessive drinking, dancing, and strippers! In my excitement for the ignorance, I get shot down.... womp womp womp.... “NO STRIPPERS!!” If you know me, you know I have no problem inquiring on their reasoning. To my surprise it’s not that they find them disgusting, degrading or against religious beliefs, but instead: “I don’t want him to have one.” O_o

Do you really think that you are going to be last set of T and A he sees?

My blog...my view...

To my future fiance - you’re good to go! You want strippers, have at it...but I’m surprisingly liberal. Hey! I believe that if I had another life I would be a stripper, it looks like fun...(just couldn’t use this life for it...gotta take care business, save the world and such.)

Before I tie the knot, I want to two parties. A classy one first, for my mom, his mom, and all my boring and classy friends with fancy cocktails in flutes, finger sandwiches, cute sundresses, maybe some really cute headgear, etc. I have a bouigie side and would really enjoy this party. Then there would be the party for me and my slightly wilder friends with a lot of ignorance. So with that said, if he wants to hire a stripper or two and have her drop it low and shake that…so be it! He just better not sleep with her or make it rain, but if I have a real concern with that, I doubt I would be getting married. I’m not for marring some man I can’t trust.

Before sitting to write my views, I did a little “research.” I asked several ladies I am cool with (co-workers, college friends, and dance buddies) and few guys (a friend, an ex-boo, and a current “boo”). The consensus for the ladies was everywhere. Some said he could go to the strip club, but no private party where the strippers come to them. (I could totally bang with that response.) Some said “Ugh, HELL NO!” Some were with me and said go for it. All three of the males were completely cool with their significant other having one. (Probably more to the fact that they wanted to have one themselves.)

I know I tend to be more toward the liberal side of my friends. I’ve been to several strip clubs; male, female, mixed (the first being an 18 year old freshman girl with my 3 roommates in southeast DC not knowing what we were there to see). Hey, I’ve even been with a “boo” to see a stripper and was not least bit upset. So I’m not really bothered/threatened by the fact he wants to see a little T and A. One of my friends said it best, “I want us to get married and continue to enjoy life. I don’t want to marry and become the boring couple.” EXACTLY! Regardless of how you look at it, why stop him if it’s something he wants to do?

But I feel there is a deeper reason for the adamant no...

Why do my friends really not want their potential life partners to have a stripper? Could it be a lack of TRUST? This is just me speculating, because I don’t really know the real reason for the no stripper rule, but if that is the case, are they really threatened by a stripper and her alone? If a man is going to cheat on you he’s going to do it. Keeping the strippers away isn’t going to stop him. No, I’m not saying all men cheat but a lot do. It is what is. When you walk into a marriage you never REALLY KNOW what your man is going to do.

If you are threatened by the stripper, what about the woman who he sees everyday? You know the woman who may be your equal in the neighborhood.... the chick he works with (the super cute sexy one), the mom on the PTA (who just got divorced or her hubby is always out of town), etc. These women are the women who I feel is a bigger threat. He can build a relationship bigger than sex with these women. They probably have something in common aside from the obvious. If you getting married, I would assume build a relationship similar to what you and him have. If you are worried about stripper from before day one of forever, what are you going to be doing as he is working along side her day after day or when he sees her when he picks up Jr. from school? #butImjustsaying

Dating an Independent Woman

No worries fellas... I don't care to be your momma nor do I need a daddy... I want an independent partner. Can you be that somebody?

Dating me in 2011 is clearly different than dating me in 2001 Today, I am an independent woman. Destiny’s Child said it best “Tell me what you think about me...only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin’ lonely. When it's all over please get up and leave... Tell me how you feel about this. Try to control me boy you get dismissed... I pay my own bills...” I have 2 degrees. Ending my 3rd year as a real adult, I feel my relationships are different from those who are in a different place in their lives....

As a single, degreed woman who has been living an independent “adult” life for several years now, I’m different. I have an established life. I’m taking care of myself, paying bills, taking the vacations that I can afford and want to go on. I come and go as I please and I don’t share my daily agenda with anyone. I haven’t lived with my parents in almost 10 years and struggled with that knowing my every move when I lived with them. I have my own interests, dreams, goals, etc. I’m no longer on a “search” for myself. I am confident in who I am and all I have to offer.

I look around and I see women, who lead similar lives. Fellas, I sometimes feel that you have old “expectations” for us. As successful Black woman approaching 30 (I am crying as I openly admit this), who keeps company with like-minded women, I no longer have the same expectations for you as I had in my early twenties... well maybe I do but they have been slightly tweaked. I am still looking for a man who has himself together or at least is a work in progress. I’m completely satisfied and am where I desire to be in life. I understand that the cards might not have completely stacked in your favor...yet - and I’m ok with that. I don’t have unrealistic expectations. I just desire for you to be working and a person “on the grow”, becoming a better you as I become a better me. I understand that you have friends and life, I don’t expect you to drop everything for me, but to carve room for me in your life. I know I don’t really need to know your every move (especially because I’m not telling you mine.). I am not a member of the young Destiny’s Child wanting you to pay my bills. I don’t want to control you nor do I want to be controlled. I am looking for a partner in life.

I’m like a sock looking for my match...

Reflection of Year 26

Living life with no regrets... Thank God for another year....

As I celebrate yet another 21st birthday, I figure that it’s the perfect opportunity to reflect upon where I am, where I’ve been, and where I’m going in my life. Six months ago I was reflecting upon a start of a new calendar year and now I’m looking at the next year of life. What have I done in the past 6 months to work towards achieving my long term goals? Have my goals changed? Do they need to be tweaked? I am allowing you to reflect (somewhat) with me in the areas of my life. Hey, I said I was going to be more transparent.... let’s see how this goes...

Personally

I am blessed to have some wonderful people in my life. A HUGE thanks to everyone who has made this past year awesome!! You have listened to/read the unedited version of my blog (literally and not), facebook stalked, partied, drank, dined, hung out and danced with me, etc. No matter how we kicked it or connected, you have impacted my life they have made this past year great! I can’t wait to see what the upcoming year has in store for me and you wonderful people!


Relationships

Now if you’ve been reading my blog you know about my 2011 Love Plan. (If not, you should check it out.) With one-half of the year behind me, I am pleased with how things are going. You may have noticed that Mr. LT has been mentioned through out the weekly posting and that’s a plus in my life. That relationship is making progress.... but still leaving my options open.

Professionally

As I end my 3rd year of teaching, I am happy professionally. I feel like I had better control of my classroom accomplished a lot with the kiddies this year. It’s reassuring when you realize that you may actually be good at what you spent 5 years of your life and a gazillion dollars to do. I look forward to seeing what the next year has in store as I take on the responsibility of active leadership and completing further professional training. Next year, I hope to begin administration classes and work towards becoming Dr. Stockton!

Socially

I finally adjusted to life in RVA as opposed to life in our nation’s capitol. It’ll never be DC, but at least it’s not Martinsville. You can find me downtown enjoying a few cocktails with friends, dancing, and maybe even meeting that husband that’s suppose to be downtown. :-)

Year 27 bucket list....

• get a tattoo
• go horseback riding
• whatever other fun and interesting opportunities come up...

Missed Opportunities

If it's meant to be it will be....

As I look back over my “love (or lack thereof) life”, I realize there have been several missed opportunities that I will just have to take the blame for. I may be the reason why I am single while approaching yet another 21st birthday.

There was(were) the guy(s) that I turned down, because I was in a pointless “relationship” (I use the term relationship loosely). Then, there were the guys that I passed on because I was focused on doing me or tired and didn’t feel like dealing with the extra bs. Let’s keep it real, a time came and I didn’t have time to add another thing to my plate. I usually am this way to keep me from getting bored and focusing on the negative things.

Sometimes, I sit and reflect on these possible missed opportunities. There was the dental student (I’ll talk about this one because I KNOW he’s not reading this.). He was tall, dark, handsome, strong looking, and had “swag” (yea, I said it), but a sister was too tired to put in the energy to start this relationship at the end of senior year. Was this possibly a bad idea? Could he have been Mr. Right?

Then I think, where those “missed opportunities” really that missed? If it was meant to be it will be… or at least that’s what I believe. There have been “missed opportunities” that have come back around. Two in particular missed opportunities are Jay-Z and Mr. LT. (I’m going out on the limb talking too much about this because I’m pretty sure they read this although they “act” like they don’t.) Jay-Z and I have come full circle several times. Let’s just say he is my go to boo and it seems to be mutual. Then there is Mr. LT. Once upon a time I was young and wrapped up in some lame relationship… I passed on this one. MANY MANY years later here we are. It has come full circle. I do believe that “us” wasn’t meant to be right then and for all I know it may not be meant to be now (but my fingers are crossed for it to be). We were both young and need to grow and participate in our own ignorance and learn to appreciate greatness.

Even with the potential in that missed opportunity, I have learned to seize the opportunities that are given to me. Who knows where life will take me with the opportunities given and doors open. I will continue to go with life’s flow, while embracing new opportunities that arise and those that have been presented to me a second time around.

Summer Boo

This just can't be summer love or can it?

The weather is breaking and the clothes are coming off. As the spring turns to summer, I have a lot of free time on my hands. The school year is coming to an end and my indoor football season comes to close and prepares to transition into the next season. I look around and I have nothing to do. I need something to keep me busy. I need a summer boo!

You know someone to keep my company through the summer. I need someone to ride the coasters with at King’s Dominion, go to the beach with, go see all the summer’s hottest movies with, and sit with and watch movies with during the summer storms. A summer fling or summer love as Justin Timberlake would say is what I need. As summer comes to an end so would this... Taking applications for Summer Boo 2011... but don’t get this application confused with the Mr. Right application. LOL

The 1 Before "The One"

And THEY (not me) lived happily ever after...

Scenario: You’re in a relationship and everything is going great. You're both head over heels in love and then...the bottom falls out and you find yourself single and broken hearted - yet again. Fast forward a month. You’re fresh out of the gym, pumped and feeling great. You turn the corner and who do you see? Him...and wait, who the heck is she? He’s in a new relationship and it looks picture perfect. Then IT happens, all the congratulations on twitter, posts on the facebook wall and the inevitable facebook relationship status change. Engaged. You realize that you are the one before “The One.” Now this isn’t so much my story but more what I imagine one of my cousin’s story would be as I am an outsider looking in.

Now we’ve all seen this story line in movies before. Girl gets dumped by boy and hopes for boy to be miserable but that shit doesn’t happen. He’s the exact opposite. He is madly in love with the one that he left you for. They get married and live the life every girl dreams about, complete with the beautiful home, white picket fence, 2 adorable children and a dog. And you are still twiddling your thumbs waiting on happily ever after to happen.

As I write, I realize that this has happened to me and even more women who’d rather die than admit it. Ladies we must remember to stay positive. Let us put the bottle down, shut the fridge, steer away from the mall and close the box of chocolates. It will not make you feel better. Waiting for their happily ever after to come to an end will make you go even crazier than you already feel. Having hate in your heart may keep you from seeing the true blessing God has in store for you. I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and the reason is not always meant for you to know. We have to let those things behind us go and keep looking forward to the blessings in front of us.

Confidence

Are you confident or cocky?

Have you ever been somewhere and in he walks. He glides through the room with confidence. He knows that he has it together. He’s dressed nice, his career is headed in the direction he desires; his family and friends adore him. He’s “that guy”. He has “swag”. He is working on living his dreams (whatever they maybe). He’s a real life Jay-Z. And here’s the best part, he doesn’t treat his Beyonce likes she NEEDS him. This my friends is true confidence. And it fellas is like honey. It draws us in like insects. Sorry ladies, I like to keep it real.

Some men claim to have confidence but what they really have in cockiness. A cocky man is the worst. In their minds, they’re the best thing since sliced bread and you should feel LUCKY he chose you to be with them. He’s as bitter as vinegar that no one really desires to have. Even if that is the case (sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't), no one wants to live the life where they don’t have mutual respect for one another. Everyone deserves to have a relationship where they are lucky or blessed to have the other and that’s a mutual understanding.

Are you cocky or confident?