Friends

As a single woman with many single friends, I wonder how we’re supposed go about finding men to date. My friends who are in “relationships” that seem to have some longevity have a strong element of friendship. Can you really meet a new BFF in a bar with a system full of vodka, as he’s trying to get you home in his bed? Ummm... NO! As I reflect on my past meaningful “relationships”, they have been with guys who I’ve considered friends, guys who I could just hang out with and were cool to be around. Ladies, as we go out “looking” for Mr. Right, let’s not forget to be on the look out for guys who possess qualities that an awesome BFF should possess. I’m sure those qualities will make lasting relationships. Just think, me and my “real” BFF have been friends since I was 8. Almost 20 years later, we can fuss and cuss each other out and still go strong. You need to establish that type of relationship with your significant other where you can talk, hang out, party, have each other’s back, hit the bumps and keep it moving. That’s what’s going to make your relationship last. In short ladies, get out of the club looking for a man. I just don’t know where to tell you to go on your search...

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What's In a Lie... My take...

Boy please.....

A few months ago, my friend posted a blog. I clearly should have shared it because I found myself living out a similar situation. Check it out here.

During Thanksgiving break, I was in my good ole’ hometown with my "boo" and I found myself in a sticky situation. Before I go any further, he wasn’t and still isn’t my boyfriend; therefore in my eyes, exclusivity does not exist in our “relationship.” One night, I found myself looking at his ex make a scene. His ex who claims they still had some type of relationship although he was “with” me. I.WAS.HOT! Now, you may ask why was I mad – after all, we’re not exclusive, right? Is it because he had another girl? Nope. He should totally do him! Reason number one I was pissed: I felt as if the entire situation was full of intentional deceit and lies. He took it upon himself to go above and beyond to prove that he wasn’t involved with anyone besides me. I never asked that question, nor did I have a desire to know. Our relationship wasn’t at the point where I felt as though I was ready to make it exclusive. I was aware of all that comes with that. However, to lie about the fact that you did/didn’t have a date lined up for the weekend when you clearly stated you were going with a homey or alone. "You ain't gotta lie to kick it." Honesty is important in any relationship. I know I said clearly for him to get his shit together before I arrived because I didn't want any drama. Second, he has some nerve to act like every time I don't answer my phone or go out, I'm with a man. That's because that's clearly the shit he does. My female instinct told me he’s projecting his behavior on me. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and not falsely accuse people. I am a firm believer that what is done in the dark will come to the light.

Now... with all that being said, we still talk/date/whatever...no “side eyes" please.

#Hoodratthingswithfriends

On a recent trip home to Martinsville (Hoodrat, VA), something happened along the way that took me back about 10 years. I found myself experiencing déjà vu in several ways. I also had my aunts rank my female cousins and myself on who is most likely to pop off at the mouth and flip the $@!% out: I came in at No. 2…ABOVE my sister!!! *BBM confused face*. I TOTALLY disagree with this ranking. These two situations made me think back on all the “hoodratthings I’ve done with friends” back in the day. One of my friends said that I am secretly country hood. Hmmmm...possibly...LOL! I thought I’d give you a couple of #hoodratthingswithfriends that came fresh to my mind this weekend. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, I was teenage girl with a fresh driver’s license doing all (well maybe not all) the things my mother told me not to do. All my #hoodratthingswithfriends stories I am going to share all occurred in places where my momma told me not to go...

One night, I was at a party talking to my boyfriend when his little ex cut in (without asking) and started dancing with him. My Gemini twin almost snatched that ponytail until I realized I was not about to actually fight this chick. Hey, I like to win and I don’t fight losing battles and this was definitely about to be a losing battle. I wasn’t on my turf, nor did I have any of my crew with me. I am not a fan of getting jumped...LOL #I'mjustsaying

Then another night I spent the night showing my a$$ in the street. You know, screaming in the street and nonsense like that. Same boyfriend, different girl. Every time I think of my a$$ off the main strip cursing men out at 17, I just giggle.

Now, I will admit the stories I shared aren’t THAT ridiculous, but are funny to recollect nonetheless. I do have a point besides for you to shake your head at me. Sometimes ladies, we need to pick our battles wisely and discern when we might need show our rachetness. Remember ladies, not everyone needs to see your crazy. Keep it classy. *blows kisses*

It's A Small World

So a few weeks ago, my parents came to visit here in RVA. We, along with my aunt and uncle, went to church. I’ll admit it; I was cute! Hey, I like to be fresh for Jesus. I wore a black pencil skirt with tan pinstripes, a tan sweater, nude pumps, and a burnt orange jacket. After church, we decided on a late breakfast at Aunt Sarah’s, [my] favorite breakfast restaurant.
After arriving for breakfast, I sashayed into the restaurant (heels turned on my “Sasha Fierce” mode... lol). After being seated, I sat texting while waiting on my family. I decided I wanted to sit where I could see who was entering the restaurant, so I got up and moved my seating at the table. Before I moved, I really hadn’t paid any attention to the patrons sitting at the table next to me, aside from the fact they were black and looked to be roughly my age. As I moved, I glanced over and [saw] someone who I thought looked familiar. After a closer look, it hit me: that’s (insert his name), my sister’s old boo and his girlfriend! I glanced over again and saw another familiar face…his friend, my high school ex. I’m sure that one of the ladies at the table was his current significant other. Immediately, I decided I wasn't going to acknowledge them. Was I rude?!?! Ummm…maybe. LOL! Here’s my reasoning…

1. They were obviously out with their boos and the situation had the potential to become extremely awkward, really fast.

2. They clearly saw me first. How did I know this? Good question: I KNOW how I entered that restaurant. I was definitely in my "important person" mode and not as if I wore sneakers and a hoodie. If you know me, I’m sure you know the difference.

3. Neither of them ever parted their lips.

4. My parents were with me and know said non-speaking indvidual. I knew my father would definitely have made a scene.

5. This old boo was part of the motivation for [starting] this blog. Let’s just say the last time we talked like a year ago was not... ummm...positive. At all.

Regardless of your opinion of my decision to not speak, I didn’t and stand steadfast in my decision.

Time

How long is too long or too short? In light of the quickie Kim K wedding and divorce, the matter of time crossed my mind. Can commitment come too quickly or can it take too long?

The Kardashian crew are notorious for their quickie engagements and marriages. I'll admit, I'm a Kardashian lover *hides face in shame*. Kris and Bruce met on a blind date, got engaged, and were married in less than 5 months. They seem happy. Khloe and Lamar had a romance that seemed to have blossomed overnight; 19 days, I think. Let me just say, I love them! They aren't perfect, but seem to really adore each other. Kourtney and Scott have a level of commitment that works for them, as dysfunctional as their relationship may seem at times. They’re not in a rush to marry, nor is their level of commitment affected by the lack of rings and papers. Poor little Kimmie, real or fake, she’s searching for love. She and Kris met and married in less than a year. Let’s propose that their quickie romance was real, did they rush it to be married?

Now on the flip side, I have a friend who has been in a "relationship" for like four years to everyone EXCEPT her "boyfriend". He refuses to commit to the title. They do real relationship things together such as taking trips and spending time with each other's family and, to top it off, they are each other's best friend. Sounds about perfect, right? How long should she wait for him to commit? It’s not like she’s asking him to propose or anything, but I'm sure some sort of commitment on his part would be nice. BUT, is it necessary? And, if so, how long should she wait for it?


I don’t think there is any set amount of time that will make a relationship work. It is all about the relationship and commitment you have with the other and the desire to make it work.

Homie... Lover... Friend

So when I was about 20, a "friend" announced to me in the mall that she "had my man." I remember looking at her thinking: "excuse me, heifer?!" Upon further investigation, I found out all and more than I cared to know about their little situation. How much more you ask? Let’s just say I was livid then and many years later, it still irks me.I present this scenario for 2 reasons:

1) I admit that I've done my share of effed up things, but I wouldn't dare broadcast or brag about them. This poor child thought it was cool to announce her role as “my man’s” jump off. *__* Did this somehow make her better than me? *bbm confused face* She clearly had some self-esteem issues and scars that were far too jacked up to be repaired. Welp, there is another little girl somewhere who can be saved. Luckily, I’ve had respectable male figures who kept me in line while giving me appropriate male attention. I didn't need to run out and search for love and affection when I became of age. It is our responsibility to ensure that little brown girls everywhere know their true value and that it doesn't reside between their thighs. A woman's worth lies in her heart, mind, and soul.

2.) I know you're saying that this happened like 6 or 7 years ago, Let. It. Go. I honestly thought I had, but about a year ago it came full circle and stared me in the face. When it originally happened, I decided that he and I could NEVER work in that way, but a year ago as I began my blog, his "name" was mentioned. I have spent the last year coming to terms with the fact that I have had to "share". I have issues; I don't knowingly want any one's sloppy-seconds. I can't stand when a dude tries to date someone in my circle and then tries to date me; he gets played. I’ve had a hard time not making my current "relationship" a sloppy-seconds scenario, especially since I was first...lol! With much reflection and assessment of the situation, I can say I have made peace enough to move forward. Would I leave them in a room unsupervised? Ummm…HELL NO!

Back Story

I didn't ALWAYS go home after those Varsity Basketball Games...

So in recent weeks, I've decided to charge full force ahead with this Jay-Z thing. Things seem to have gotten a little more serious with us. Ok, so here’s a little background information on this "relationship”, considering that it may become a hot topic in my blog: Jay-Z’s and my relationship dates back about 10 years when we were both in high school. Technically, you could say that we're 10 years strong like Bey and Jay (cue Beyonce). He was that high school boo who I "talked" to off and on during my junior and senior year, but NEVER officially dated. After high school, he went to VMI and I went the real HU. And we lived happily ever after...SIKE! We did remain friends, but didn't really reconnect until after graduating from college. And the story continues....

Go With Life's Flow

Going with life's flow...

Every time I log on to the “Book of Faces”, my timeline is flooded with engagement pictures, family pictures, and let’s not forget the baby bumps. Hey! I am 20 something which means most of my friends are in their 20s and are quickly approaching 30 something (if they haven’t already reached that milestone). That’s what 20 somethings do, right? You know, they get married, have babies, take family photos, etc. It’s just the progression of life...right?

Then, I get the inevitable phone call/text from my friend: “Did you see that (insert random person’s name) is (insert exciting life milestone)? Why are WE getting left behind on life?”

Hold up! Wait a minute?! We?! Bahahahha no, boo-boo! WE are not getting left behind. I’m just going with the flow and letting life happen and I’m cool with that. LOL She may feel that she is getting left behind on life... still on the “search” for true love, wanting the happily ever after part of the fairy tale. Now I’ll admit that I, too, have those thoughts from time to time. That’s kinda what happens at my age, but I’ve learned time and time again that the grass isn’t ALWAYS greener on the other side. Do I really need to be in a rush to give up the me I love and the life I’ve built for the WE (husband and kids)?

We as women need to naturally go with plan that was already put in place for us; let our lives take their own course. We are not always going to arrive at the same milestones at the same time. Hey, some of my friends’ kids will probably be going to the prom before my baby shower... *Kanye Shrugs* but that is the progression of my life. To answer my own question, after I go from ME to WE... “me-time” may be gone forever, well at least ‘til the little part of WE and my money goes off to college. Until that time, I’m going let life happen. Who knows, my ME may eventually turn into WE, but it will be on my life’s timeline and not based upon anyone else’s.

Not GF Material.....

Maybe I’m not girlfriend material....

Soooo...I’ve decided to be serious and focus on this thing “Jay-Z” and I have. Through the process, I’ve realized (maybe re-realized) I may not be “traditional” girlfriend/boo/wife material. I have “flaws” that I am very open about and that’s just me. I cannot wake up one morning and be some woman that I am not and don’t truly desire to become. I am VERY independent and march to the beat of my own drum.

This boo thing is hard for me. I just may not answer the phone when you text or call for whatever reason. There is no need to get an attitude. I’ll admit that I am beyond chill/nonchalant ... and I take “it is what it is” to the extreme. That’s. Just. Me.

Act Like a Lady... Think Like a Man

If you know me, you probably would classify me as a “Southern Belle”,you know a “prissy girl”. There are things that my country self swears by: I always must have earrings, I tend to be quiet (unless I’m in my “Sasha” mode), etc. It’s just who I am. Even in my fitted t-shirt and flat shoe lifestyle I get this label often, but in some aspects of my life I’m not sooooo girlie.

My friends, who grew up with me, assume that I have no heart. *kanye shrugs* Actually, it’s not a horrible assumption. I don’t usually openly discuss my love life and I DO NOT do PDA! YUCK! LOL (Okay, I’ve done it maybe once.... but that’s another story.) Example: In high school, my boyfriend dumped me...whomp whomp whomp; I get to school and my friends were asking a zillion questions. My response: I don’t know and I don’t care. They believed that I should have pleaded with this boy to stay with me...NOPE!! Not I! He can bounce (especially if he’s waiting on all that)! And life went on.... I don’t fall in love every other week and do a lot of those “girlie” things.

I would completely classify myself as the ultimate bachelorette. I have no real issue when I’m only a man’s option because he’s probably the same with me. *kanye shrugs* I play my role and I let his actions dictate what that is and then I decide if I’m willing to play along. Contrary to this blog, I’ve realized I may not really be seriously looking for love (although I may wander upon it). I enjoy going out getting a few drinks (hopefully free), giving out my number with no real intentions on answering. I enjoy the single girl lifestyle and its perks. Now you may be judging me but, If I was a dude would you?

Enjoy Life

A few weeks ago, I spent the entire afternoon in a co-workers classroom talking about enjoying life. She and I talked about traveling and living life freely and on our own terms. You see, last year, she battled cancer and lost her 40 year old daughter who eventually succumbed to the illness. The next day, I opened a BBM from a friend to find out that a friend and classmate had passed away. She was the same age as me....

This news of her passing caused me to reflect on how I live my life. I will say that I am a “go with the flow” type and aim to enjoy all of life’s moments. I try not to let those inevitable battles hold me down for long. I fall down, get up, dust it off and keep it moving. I try and learn from my mistakes and hopefully not make the same one twice. Life is too short for that. I find myself happy.

I challenge all of you to live life to its fullest, enjoy your life - you are only given one. I know people who rarely leave the city they were born in, much less travel and see the world. Take life by horns and live it on your own terms as if each day is your last. Spend it with people you love and respect; experience new things; travel when you can. Don’t take life for granted, you never know when it’s going to end.

You Must Not Know 'Bout Me... Really You Don't

What you say whispers, but what you do SCREAMS!

Have you ever sat across from someone and realized you know everything about him, but he has no clue who you are nor has a real interest in learning. O_o You sit through dinner and listen to him talk...about...well...himself. Finally, when you’re halfway through your meal, he seems to want to know more about you. He asks questions that are either pointless or somehow relate to him. You continue to interact with/go on dates with him, chalking that first experience to nerve-induced word vomit. Only, after a few more dates, it becomes apparent that “this guy has NO CLUE who I am.” He doesn’t know where I’m from, what college I attended (it’s on my license plate), my birthday (it was like a week ago and it’s on Facebook), and that I write a blog. These are just a few things I probably would’ve mentioned if he’d taken the time to ask or allowed me to get in a word edgewise.

When a man listens to you, it says a lot. Sitting across the table from a man who references something you said or shows his interest in you is a breath of fresh air. He brings you your favorite flower, remembers your birthday and actually makes an effort to contact you in some form or fashion (I say contact because I’ve gotten some interesting contacts on my birthday before), remembers little things and goes out of the way to make you laugh. Now ladies, some of us may have given up hope but they do exist!! I’ve seen them in real life... LOL

Ephiphany

And it comes to me like an EPIPHANY...

So a few weeks ago, it hit me that I was traveling down a road, and seeing all types of signs, but I wasn’t reading any of them. *Kanye shrugs*. Sometimes, you have to go down a road and experience it so you don’t look back on life and think "what if?"

Have you ever been driving down a road and you realize everything looks quite familiar? You discover that it’s not deja vu and you really have been there before. You know exactly where this road is leading and you would rather not make this trip again, so you tap the brake and head for the nearest exit.

Once you've slowed down, you realize you may not have seen the trees because of the forest (or whatever the saying is) and what you may have been looking for has been in front of you the entire time. I am extremely goal oriented and when I see something I want, I put forth a serious effort to get it. Sometimes everything doesn’t turn out as I envisioned, but I like to live life without regrets. Today, I think I can go forward, make this "move" and be confident in my choice. Sometimes it "be like that.”

5 Things to do as a Single Woman

Here are my 5 must-dos for a single woman.

Most women will not get married before the age 35. We all need something to do as we wait on Mr. Right!

5 - Do something fun! Enjoy life!

4 - Chill the fuck out! Your husband is coming (more than likely) and you need to enjoy your life RIGHT NOW!

3 - Learn something to make you better. Take a pole dancing class or a cooking class, etc. It’s the little things make life better/more enjoyable, and hey - your future Mr. won’t mind these little extras. ;-)

2- Save some money and work on the credit that you may or may not have totally disregarded in college! You may want to have a wedding or a buy a house someday. Let’s not forget those little expensive people that result from a happy union. Aside from that, it’s always nice to have a little money in the bank to cushion us from life’s unexpected blows, whether single or married.

1- See the world and travel! The world has SO much to offer. Go check it out! Have an Eat, Pray, Love moment! And there is no better time than now!

Recorded in beautiful Peurta Vallarta, Mexico.

We are Family

We Are Family

This is my first video blog...

Love your family.... you only get one....

Man I Love My Team

My people hold me down!

I am girl who has had the opportunity to call 3 areas in Virginia home: Martinsville, DMV, and now Richmond. I’ve encountered lots of people while living throughout the state. Each time that I’ve moved, I’ve added different people to “my team”. I don’t just meet people and automatically give them a spot my team, not everyone makes the final cut. Some are here because they are my business partners, some know ALL my business, some have shared common experiences and goals and others keep me grounded. The are just a few of the many reasons people are on my team. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a possibility that some of my team members of my team may screw YOU over. Damn, a few members of my team have (and probably will again) screw me over (gotta keep it real) if given the opportunity. But please be reminded that they are here for a reason. My reasons are just that MINE. You are not allowed to choose who makes up my team nor do they solely define who I am. The connections and interactions I have will have an impact on my life, but who says to say if they will be positive or negative.... I do (for the most part). You cannot choose my team nor can I choose yours.

As you choose your team pick them for yourself and not for others....

Black Love

I am firm believer in following your heart. If you find someone you like or are interested in pursuing, GO FOR IT!! True love is hard to find. I know people who I feel who have made genuine connections that are not based on racial differences. In the movie Something New, the single black business woman finds love in her white (sexy as HELL) landscape architect. Let me just say I LOVE IT.

But I do have a problem with a particular type of black man who is by far not representative of all black men. Black women you KNOW the ones I’m speaking of - the ones who tend to stereotype, rather than appreciate us [regular old black women]. According to them, we have too many attitudes and mood swings, speak our minds a little too often and refuse to put up with their shit. We won’t be walked over and we will check you if necessary. You know, they think we are bitches. O_o They would much rather chase after the gorgeous girl who is not black or the one who doesn’t claim her African-American heritage. Now I’m not a hater andI have nothing but love for these women and I can’t blame them for loving the black men flock to them. My problem solely lies with the mentality of the “flockers.” I’m confused when it comes to them. What makes them feel that just because these women are not black they will make a better girlfriend, wife or mother? Maybe she does all the little pointless things that us regular old black women don’t. OH WAIT! I know many black women who do those things like folding socks a certain way, cooking hot dogs a special way, etc. They do these things for the men they adore who adore them in return. I look at the men with this mentality that I know personally, they were raised by their black mother. Are women with the same characteristics as their mothers not good enough? O_o The mothers I know who have raised these men seemed to have done a pretty decent job with them, aside from this one issue. In my opinion, their mentality is not only a slap in my face, but also their mothers’ as well.

I will say that not all hope is lost in black men making a black love connection. Not all men have that awful mentality. Some men in general LOVE a black woman. To you men out there, we appreciate your love! I am sure that there is a black leading lady out there for you that is the perfect fit. Thanks for not buying into to those awful stereotypes and continuing to appreciate our strengths while encouraging us past our weaknesses. Roger Ebert, Chris Rock, Will Smith, Jay-Z, and BARACK love their black leading ladies. This leading lady continues to look for her leading man.

My Man's Biggest Fan

I'll be a "stan" for him...

If you know me, you know that I am one of the biggest Beyonce fans EVER. I love me some King B. She can do no wrong. I know all of her music. I faithfully buy her albums, DVDs, and concert tickets. I am a stan. If I had to pick anybody on the earth to switch lives with, she is the only option. (Hey! I love being me. ;-) ). One thing that I love about her is her relationship with HER man Jay-Z. I love them!!!

Their relationship is not open to the public and they keep their intimate details very private. They are seen together but don’t publicize their relationship a lot. When they do, you can tell that they really do adore one another. In an interview, Beyonce admitted that she has always been a Jay-Z groupie. She has also been heard stating that she loves her some Jay-Z. All through out her music you can hear her love letters to her man. Jay-Z will tell you he has the hottest chic in the game. He even commented “Sometimes you need perspective. You’ve been right in front of greatness so often that you need to step back and see it again for the first time..” about a video he shared of Beyonce practicing for American Idol. Now don’t jump down my throat. No, I do not think their relationship is perfect. No relationship is nor will it be. He may or may not have a boo on the side (which is not okay... and he would be a damn fool.). But they both seem happy.

You may be wondering, “What does this have to do with my pursuit?” It does relate to me. I want to be that in love. I want my “non expressing emotion” self to be willing to announce to the world that I am “groupie” for my man (I’ve been a closet groupie a time or two) and be happy making that statement. Not only do I want to be that in love where I am announcing my love to the world, but I also want my man to feel the same way about me...like Jay-Z does about Beyonce. I want my man to announce that I am great and express his love and appreciation for me to the world. When I’ve met a man whom I can share that mutual feeling with, the non-expressive Keisha that you now know will be dead.

Sometimes Let. It. Go.

We’ve all been there. You know that “wonderful” (or so we hope and/or think) man that we meet. We fall head over heels for him. He has you “gone in the brain.” You’re doing all the things that your better judgment tells you that you shouldn’t. (Hey we’ve all been there; hell, some us are now.) Then it happens and you realize...He. Ain’t. Shit.

When you come to that realization, you feel all kinds of emotions. You’re angry, hurt, vengeful and shocked, to name a few. Hey, you may even act on a few of those feelings. I’m pretty sure I”m not the nice girl turned bitch out here...hmph. As time passes, love’s old battlefield wounds will heal or well should.....

Sometimes ladies we have to just have to make the decision to Let. It. Go. I’m not saying forget by any means because the experience should make you stronger and wiser with memory. You shouldn’t allow him to have control of your heart and mind forever. Eventually, we have to take it for what it is: the past and learn from it. When we take the loss and re-examine the relationship and realize and accept that we didn’t do everything right, lacked better judgment and had some red flags that we ingored and/or declined to pursue, we are able to love better the next time. *takes own advice* When we hold on to old hurts they weigh on us and our future relationships.

I thought I'd share this.... I don't agree with all of my friend's points (I love him, but he fits in the He. Aint. Shit category) but he makes a few good points we can all learn from.

** Cue Danity Kane’s “Damaged”...

Do women date men with kids?

We do.... but.....

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine tweeted that women don’t date men with kids. It made me go hmmmmm... we don’t? *bbm confused face* I decided to find if we did or didn’t and why or why not. I did a little “research” with my circle of friends who were college educated and working because I’m almost positive those are the “women” he was talking about. Here is what I found out...

We do.... BUT.... we have a few stipulations.

Most of my friends I asked said that they would date a men with kids, even the ones who I expected to give a me a cold HELL NO! If we can find a man who is good for us we are open minded enough to make the relationship work. Men with kids who are REAL good fathers is a great thing to us. It gives a glimpse into how they would treat us and our family if we ever made it to that point. At this point, most of my friends and I are definitely in the “we want to get married and maybe have babies mindset.”

This is where the positive ends... SORRY! These my male friends are your obstacles when dating us....

Finances- We are hardworking women who enjoy nice things and at least want you to partake in the lavish life with us. We are not for having to pay for your vacay with us to wherever. If you already have a kid(s) and they are literally eating up your finances (as they should) - that’s not something we’re used to in our free-spirited bachelorette lifestyles.

Quality Time with you - Some of us hate to admit it but we are selfish. In our defense, at this point of living independently for roughly 10 years with no one to be concerned about but ourselves, we are not terribly excited about having to share our man with others. Period. This is a catch 22 for you fellas, we want you to be able to spend quality time with your kids and do fatherly things, but we want to be with you too. Personally, I wouldn’t want to share quality time as a family. I’m with kids all day, 200 days a year. I am not huge on spending time with other people’s children outside work ESPECIALLY one’s I can’t control or correct. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids especially my babies at school and my twin, but these are children I can and will correct. I don’t really want to be a Chucky Cheese (or any other child friendly places) with you and your kid. It’s just not how I would choose to spend my quality time with my boo.

To Be the First - I know we have all seen THAT episode of “The Game” where Melanie did everything short of killing herself to be the FIRST...that SHIT is REAL!! Need I say I more? Probably not, but I will. As 20-something women, we know that we may not (and at this point) won’t be your first love, but having your child and baby mama is a constant reminder...

Baby Mama - You all know I had to take it here. This is the one woman who is here to stay whether we like it or not. For the sake of the child, this is a relationship that cannot be avoided. The terms of this relationship is usually where the problem lies. Some relationships with the baby mama are NOT on good terms. We all know that woman who is not over the fact that she is not with her baby daddy and is bitter about it. She does all the crazy things you think of...stalking us, dropping off the kid at random times, always wanting fight, etc. She is your “crazy ass baby mama.” We just cannot hang with her. We want to keep what sanity we have. (Note to “Crazy Baby Mama’s”: Get your shit together!!) Your priority needs to be your kid and having a crazy mama is not a good start for him/her.There are more issues in that relationship that we don’t want to have any part of and God help the poor child. Then we have the what we would consider the “too close for comfort” baby mama. Your new boo can swear all day she doesn’t have some issues but she does. I can almost guarantee she is going to feel some kind of way when you’re getting to chummy with her (baby mama). The thoughts will cross our minds wondering if there is still a connection or why they ever broke up, etc. While we’re dating/in a relationship, we really want to refrain from the Angela and Keisha situations (TP’s Why Did I Get Married?). We don’t want to wonder if he is working on another baby with her nor do we want to feel like we need a jar of Vaseline every time we see her.

*Puts on educator hat.*

As a child advocate, I must tell ya fellas, it maybe hard in the streets for ya, but you are NO LONGER your #1 priority. You need to what’s best for your child in this situation. There maybe a time when you (and maybe even other parties) lose out.


*Puts single woman hat back on.*

All is not lost here. We are looking for a good man. Depending on the situation/relationship, we may be willing to look over some things. Hey, we realize that we too have our own “baggage” that you will need to look over for us. Men and women both know their breaking points and what they are willing to handle.

Damn His... is Sexy!!

Sexy doesn't just stop with his appearance...

"He does what it takes, He got a winner’s mind. I’ll give it all to him and meet him at the finish line.... “

We’ve all seen guy guy who walks by and elicits a collective “Daaaammmmnnn“ and leaves a gang of turned heads behind. You and and all your girls see and acknowledge his sex appeal! This guy has it - all the surface qualities you look for: the walk, smile, clothes and smooth baritone voice. There is one quality that a man can possess that you can’t see just from looking at his outer appearance...his work ethic.

I can remember being younger and having both my parents holding down two jobs. My sister and I both have inherited that quality and have both held down a job (or two) since we were teenagers.

A man who has the drive to succeed at whatever he desires (realistically) is super sexy to me. I know men who desire to take over the world in their own capacity and are constantly working to do that in their own way. Men always claim that a women wants a man with money. Don’t get me wrong money is nice (real nice), but I can take care of myself. I want a man that can hold his own and work hard to achieve. I’ve dated men who lack that quality and been immediately turned off. I am eager to support a man who is working hard and handling his business in any way I can. Shout out to all you men out their own your grind.... we “peep” you (not that you didn’t already know this).

This Michelle is in search of a Barack...

The Stripper Delimma

A relationship should be filled with trust and FUN.... Life shouldn't end because you get a boo...

What happens in Vegas....

So on several occasions, I’ve had friends who were considering getting marriage. (I’ve previously pointed out I have only have 2 people whom I consider friends who are actually married) In the future when my friends are ready to take the walk down the aisle, I’ll be hype to plan their fun-filled night of ignorance also known as the bachelorette party. You know excessive drinking, dancing, and strippers! In my excitement for the ignorance, I get shot down.... womp womp womp.... “NO STRIPPERS!!” If you know me, you know I have no problem inquiring on their reasoning. To my surprise it’s not that they find them disgusting, degrading or against religious beliefs, but instead: “I don’t want him to have one.” O_o

Do you really think that you are going to be last set of T and A he sees?

My blog...my view...

To my future fiance - you’re good to go! You want strippers, have at it...but I’m surprisingly liberal. Hey! I believe that if I had another life I would be a stripper, it looks like fun...(just couldn’t use this life for it...gotta take care business, save the world and such.)

Before I tie the knot, I want to two parties. A classy one first, for my mom, his mom, and all my boring and classy friends with fancy cocktails in flutes, finger sandwiches, cute sundresses, maybe some really cute headgear, etc. I have a bouigie side and would really enjoy this party. Then there would be the party for me and my slightly wilder friends with a lot of ignorance. So with that said, if he wants to hire a stripper or two and have her drop it low and shake that…so be it! He just better not sleep with her or make it rain, but if I have a real concern with that, I doubt I would be getting married. I’m not for marring some man I can’t trust.

Before sitting to write my views, I did a little “research.” I asked several ladies I am cool with (co-workers, college friends, and dance buddies) and few guys (a friend, an ex-boo, and a current “boo”). The consensus for the ladies was everywhere. Some said he could go to the strip club, but no private party where the strippers come to them. (I could totally bang with that response.) Some said “Ugh, HELL NO!” Some were with me and said go for it. All three of the males were completely cool with their significant other having one. (Probably more to the fact that they wanted to have one themselves.)

I know I tend to be more toward the liberal side of my friends. I’ve been to several strip clubs; male, female, mixed (the first being an 18 year old freshman girl with my 3 roommates in southeast DC not knowing what we were there to see). Hey, I’ve even been with a “boo” to see a stripper and was not least bit upset. So I’m not really bothered/threatened by the fact he wants to see a little T and A. One of my friends said it best, “I want us to get married and continue to enjoy life. I don’t want to marry and become the boring couple.” EXACTLY! Regardless of how you look at it, why stop him if it’s something he wants to do?

But I feel there is a deeper reason for the adamant no...

Why do my friends really not want their potential life partners to have a stripper? Could it be a lack of TRUST? This is just me speculating, because I don’t really know the real reason for the no stripper rule, but if that is the case, are they really threatened by a stripper and her alone? If a man is going to cheat on you he’s going to do it. Keeping the strippers away isn’t going to stop him. No, I’m not saying all men cheat but a lot do. It is what is. When you walk into a marriage you never REALLY KNOW what your man is going to do.

If you are threatened by the stripper, what about the woman who he sees everyday? You know the woman who may be your equal in the neighborhood.... the chick he works with (the super cute sexy one), the mom on the PTA (who just got divorced or her hubby is always out of town), etc. These women are the women who I feel is a bigger threat. He can build a relationship bigger than sex with these women. They probably have something in common aside from the obvious. If you getting married, I would assume build a relationship similar to what you and him have. If you are worried about stripper from before day one of forever, what are you going to be doing as he is working along side her day after day or when he sees her when he picks up Jr. from school? #butImjustsaying

Dating an Independent Woman

No worries fellas... I don't care to be your momma nor do I need a daddy... I want an independent partner. Can you be that somebody?

Dating me in 2011 is clearly different than dating me in 2001 Today, I am an independent woman. Destiny’s Child said it best “Tell me what you think about me...only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin’ lonely. When it's all over please get up and leave... Tell me how you feel about this. Try to control me boy you get dismissed... I pay my own bills...” I have 2 degrees. Ending my 3rd year as a real adult, I feel my relationships are different from those who are in a different place in their lives....

As a single, degreed woman who has been living an independent “adult” life for several years now, I’m different. I have an established life. I’m taking care of myself, paying bills, taking the vacations that I can afford and want to go on. I come and go as I please and I don’t share my daily agenda with anyone. I haven’t lived with my parents in almost 10 years and struggled with that knowing my every move when I lived with them. I have my own interests, dreams, goals, etc. I’m no longer on a “search” for myself. I am confident in who I am and all I have to offer.

I look around and I see women, who lead similar lives. Fellas, I sometimes feel that you have old “expectations” for us. As successful Black woman approaching 30 (I am crying as I openly admit this), who keeps company with like-minded women, I no longer have the same expectations for you as I had in my early twenties... well maybe I do but they have been slightly tweaked. I am still looking for a man who has himself together or at least is a work in progress. I’m completely satisfied and am where I desire to be in life. I understand that the cards might not have completely stacked in your favor...yet - and I’m ok with that. I don’t have unrealistic expectations. I just desire for you to be working and a person “on the grow”, becoming a better you as I become a better me. I understand that you have friends and life, I don’t expect you to drop everything for me, but to carve room for me in your life. I know I don’t really need to know your every move (especially because I’m not telling you mine.). I am not a member of the young Destiny’s Child wanting you to pay my bills. I don’t want to control you nor do I want to be controlled. I am looking for a partner in life.

I’m like a sock looking for my match...