Too Fast/Too Soon

Every frog isn't a prince....


Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly; you look up and you’re all alone? You hop back into the dating pool to find that the good fish in the sea are few and far between. You begin to wonder that you might have been better off in the rocky relationship. Now, me and my F you independent woman attitude refuse to stay there long, but as you’ve probably noticed, I’m a special case....

I have a friend who recently has walked down this path. When she came to the realization that the good fish in the sea are hard to find, she immediately hopped out, dried off went ashore - back to what she knew. I’ll admit I was a little weary of the rekindling of the flames especially considering the details of the relationship and how it ended. I don’t believe that all dogs to go heaven, but they do deserve a second chance to get it right. LOL! If she left behind the rose colored glasses and took things slowly, they could possibly have a love-filled committed relationship. They both needed to be honest about their feelings, what happened, and own up to their contributions to the relationship’s demise. A loving relationship takes effort from both parties and time to develop. Before I knew it she was engaged! I am that friend, that will share in your excitement because it is an exciting time in anyone's life. Although, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the right decision for her. As a good friend, I want my friends to be happy and enjoy the love that I have seen so many people share over a lifetime. But was it too fast too soon? Or was this her fairy tale ending? I don’t claim to be a relationship expert or psychologist, but I can’t avoid being a bit skeptical that it all happened in the blink of an eye.

With that said, I pose the questions to my friends who are preparing to walk down the aisle and enter wedded bliss! I’ve asked myself these questions while sitting with significant others from time to time. Is this the man I want to wake up next to for eternity? Am I happy? Are we happy? How do we treat each other? I am his queen? Is he my king? Are we willing to put the other 1st? Marriage is intended to be a life long commitment and 50+years is a LONG time. We all want our story to end, “And they lived happily ever after!”

Your Type

Jamie Foxx hit the nail on the head with this one... I always seem to fall for your type or let’s just say your type always falls for me. Then, I get sucked in like a soda through a straw. I’ll admit it, I have a huge appreciation for athletes - and HEY...they love me! (Can you blame them?) LOL!

Here’s my problem, these men are in tip-top shape, gorgeous, dedicated and competitive, but I always seem to face other issues with them… the insecurities, the not-so-bright jocks and worst of all...the cocky attitudes (which don’t mesh well with mine). The insecure athlete drives me insane. He constantly waits for you to toot his horn. He wants you as his personal cheerleader. I need him to be confident in himself and his abilities. I understand that in his opinion he is the best at whatever he does; however, my life does not allow me to don my silver boots and pom poms on a daily basis. The “jock” is the athlete that I attempt to steer clear of. He has too many issues that I can’t begin to tackle. Life for him has been a breeze, a steak dinner served on a silver platter. He’s oblivious to hard work aside from the work he puts in on the field or court. I need the athlete to have a legit plan B and ready to work with it. I’m not saying to give up on your dream of making it to the pros, but things happen. Life happens. I do know a few of my old athlete boos who this DOES NOT describe! They were about business and I admired and appreciated that about them. The last type of athlete I’ve struggled with it the cocky MF-ers who think they are God’s gift to me and the rest of the world! We butt heads out of the gate. No further explanation needed.

I’ve had experiences with my share of athletes; however, football players, runners, and wrestlers tend to be a common theme. Within the past year, I have realized my issues and tried to stay away from the “athlete” boos. If you see an athlete please don’t send him my way... LOL. My "new" (maybe it's not THAT new) obsession.... men in uniform.... LOL

Ho to a HOusewife vs Independent Women

After watching the season finale of Basketball Wives, I was appalled! I’ll admit, it was the first time I actually sat and watched the show, but boy did I pick a good episode to start watching. VH-1 has developed an entire series about women who have for lack of a better term “slept their way to the top!” These women have married, slept with, and dated athletes and have become famous. as a result. Now I will admit I do have respect for the one’s who “lucked” up and married the “right” man. Although, I do wonder where do I need to sign up to get one? I can take care of myself with no problem, but I could also enjoy an “upgrade” in life. I often wonder, where are the athletes who have met and married respectable hard-working women? Or have these “housewives” pulled a “Melanie” and sacrificed their dreams for to support her husbands’? Now, the REAL reason for my disgust at the entire “wives” phenomenon...Evelyn. This woman has very little class and has shown the entire viewing public that she has and will continue sleeping her way to the “top”. She slept with her castmate’s husband, had her own basketball-playing finance, and SLEPT WITH Ocho Cinco of the 1st date! They say that you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, but Evelyn seems to be getting a lot of love from somebody. Here is my issue, as I look around my circle of successful, professional, well-educated, and classy women, many of us are single. I will admit that many of us are single because we have a low tolerance for bullshit that many of these “basketball wives” accept in exchange for the life of luxury. However, it really bothers me that Evelyn is enjoying a life of luxury because she’s probably given a few more rides than amtrak (that’s just me speculating). I pose a question to my men who are reading this - what do you look for in a woman? Would you rather turn the hoe into a housewife or strong woman holding her own? Your response won’t really have an impact on MY behavior...just curious to know what I’m dealing with as I “pursue love.”

Black and Proud

Being who I am, I couldn’t just let Black History Month (and now Women’s History Month) come and go and not acknowledge the two months of the year that have been dedicated to me. The fight of the Black woman has spanned generations and unfortunately, continues. As I look around, I realize that the fight has endured because of the contributions and “never give up” mantra of the many of the historical giants who have come before me. For that, I thank them. I thank them for breaking barriers and allowing me to look into a mirror and love my black self!

In 2011, black is beautiful. We have so many women (and men) who are iconic and are black beauty. As a result, I love being Black more and more everyday. Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been subjected to “real” Black struggle in my life, especially considering that I was born and raised in south central VA. I went to a private school at a young age where race was never mentioned. I was even voted to homecoming court at a school where none of the teachers whom I loved looked like me - I never saw them as different.

Now, my struggle with “being Back” came from other Black individuals after leaving private school. My hair was too nappy or I was too dark, etc. As Black people, we must embrace other people who look like us - the beautiful mix of browns, hair textures, styles, etc. regardless of our differences and abilities. Embrace Black and whatever it means to you.

Men all over the world, love us and all our glory. Don’t throw us to the wayside because we are outspoken, opinionated and refuse to settle for bullshit. This is who we are. This is why we have advanced thus far.

Black women embrace yourself and love it. Yes, my neck spins and pops when I talk and get angry. I have a major bitch hidden (deep) down inside who is willing to make her presence known. I have head of nappy hair that I will hit with that creamy crack and sew, clip or braid in some extensions or let blow in the wind in some sort of Afro looking style. When the music plays, my hips and feet find the beat. My skin is brown, my eyes and my hair are too.... I love MY Black!

So embrace YOU! If you start there I am sure HAPPINESS won’t be too far behind.