Sippin' on Lemonade

Lemonade

Yea. I’m still sipping on Lemonade and loving it!! Do I think Jay-Z cheated on Beyoncé? I do… but that’s another topic for another day/blog. But let me tell ya about Lemonade. This was Beyoncé’s love letter to women, black women… hell maybe just a love letter to me. As I watched the visual album, it was like reliving moments in my life. As my niece watched it, (Yes, she watched it with me. Don’t judge us and our parenting skills.) she fell asleep and didn’t get it. All because she hasn’t lived… If YOU don’t get this album and don’t give her credit for her artistry. YOU. HAVE. NOT. LIVED.

Beyoncé takes me through a bunch of past emotions. I know I have been in relationships where I my intuition tells me something just ain’t right and have been praying for a man’s ish to come to the light. I’ve prayed to catch him whispering… Tried to change myself for him be more of something I am not.  I have been like hold up boo! You winning right now and how you don’t know how to act. “They don’t love you like I love you. I’m not too perfect to feel this worthless. What’s worst be jealous or crazy?” I guess I chose crazy… “You let this good love go to waste.” Why don’t YOU see me when everyone else can? Then I realized I was too much for him.  And this man had stopped my real grinding… I’ve put on my 6inch heels and showed up and been bad ass through it all. And then you realize how your own Daddy makes an impact on your own adult relationships regardless of how much you’ve tried not to let it.  I’m not thirsty enough especially on my worst days and my love usually goes unnoticed. My personal journey has not led me to someone I can build sandcastles with and love all night. And someone that chooses me daily for my world to see. Hopefully when I do, it doesn’t take me back through my LEMONS but just show’s up with the Lemonade for me to enjoy. Until then, take the hands of little girls around me and keeping running towards FREEDOM. “Imma keep running ‘cause a winner doesn’t quit on themselves.”

Thank you Beyoncé for sharing this story, regardless of if it is yours or not. I admire your ability to tell a story, your vision that made this beautiful piece of artwork, your ability to think outside of the box. You inspire me to be great in my own way.

I'm Sad...

*Deep sigh* I’m sad.

I’m sad because another AND ANOTHER black man has lost his life to the police.

I’m sad because so many in my communities are killing each other and as much as try to do in the community I often feel like I have not done enough.

I’m sad because special care will need to be taken to raise my nephew as he will grow to become a black man.

I’m sad that from a young age, I was aware that extremely special care needs given when raising a black man.

I’m sad that 5 people who vowed to protect and serve won’t go home to their families because they were doing just that.

I’m sad because, I have “friends” who are telling me to get over it or teach them to follow the law. And today, right now, in this moment, that make me the saddest. Let me put some of this in the perspective I would possibly share with children.

We have a little boy on the playground at recess chewing gum. Chewing gum is against playground rules. A safety patrol kid comes up to the little boy and yells “Hey spit out that gum!” And pushes the boy to ground. The boy gets upset because he pushed and the safety patrol jumps on top of him and starts to punch and kick the boy. Naturally the boy fights back but eventually loses the fight because the safety patrol is more powerful. Other safety patrols on the playground watch and say nothing. Other children watch and say nothing. Some children become afraid of the safety patrols. Some children rush to the boy’s side and start to want help for the little boy who can’t get up from the ground. The safety patrol “Hey, my nose is bleeding! I need help too!” His friends help him to the nurse and thank him for “keeping them safe”. The little boy is still lying on the ground. A few others come to the boy’s aid including a few other safety patrols who feel horrible and may speak to that other safety patrol later and some go and comfort the kids scared and crying from what they just witnessed. Some kids run to the principal’s office and request that safety patrol loose his badge.  Some kids go on about their recess swinging and playing like nothing was wrong. One kid can be heard saying, “Stupid kid, he shouldn’t have been chewing gum!” while sharing gum with his/her friends as they play on the monkey bars.

I have shared similar stories with my children as we discuss bullying. And what they should do if they should see another child being bullied. I have an open discussion with them where they see themselves in that story and where they should be or want their friends to be if they were bullied.

 

So I’ll do the same with my adult friends, I’ll ask you the same thing. Which kid are you?

Hopefully this cause some self-reflection in us all.

Unfortunately, this is to be continued…

*Wipes tears*

Unvailable/Old Men

Throughout my life, I’ve come to feel like I’m a magnet for old or unavailable or both men. Here is are my letters to them all.

 

Dear Old Men,

Thank you for appreciation of my young appearance but older spirit. I get it, I am a little old lady trapped in 20 year olds body (or by today’s standards some days I am probably more 12) but I’m not either of those. I need someone much more age appropriate. And my daddy is NOT age appropriate and you and he could be buddies. Unfortunately for you, I have a daddy, a handful uncles, and my grandfather didn’t die till I was about to graduate from college. All of these me took VERY good care of me. I’m don’t need a daddy or daddy figure to take care of me. I’m all the way covered in that department. Don’t get me wrong, the way my teacher’s salary with a shit load of student loans account looks some days, I totally wish I could do that sugar daddy thing. But. I. Can’t. 

Sincerely,

I’m Too Young For You

 

Unless you look like Mr. Steal Your Grandma.

Dear Unavailable Men,

I have very few words for you. But I will start here. I will never get my happily ever after ruining someone else’s.  Go home water your grass. I am absolutely positive that based on the fact that you are in my face and you are in a relationship, you can’t handle THIS grASS. So don’t waste your time.  Go home and make your wife happy and take care of your home and stop embarrassing the one that puts up with yo shit. All dogs don’t go to heaven so get yo life right.

Sincerely,

You Can’t Touch This

 

Dear Old and Unavailable Men,

You are funny! I can’t do absolutely nothing with you. You old and broke (your wife is spending your coins.) Have several seats. Please see BOTH letters above. And DO BETTER!!!

Sincerely,

Shaking My Head At You