The Bachelorette- The Setup

After being sucked into the Royal wedding hype I made the decision to make myself more "available" to date. I decided to really embrace dating in 2018. The traditional way was not working. So, I reinstalled Tinder on my phone. I did it for a hot second a few years ago and wasn't really feeling it but I decided to give it another go. Yea, didn't work for me again after someone asked if I was into casual dating (I read sex.). Scrolling my timeline, I found a link to an article about the best dating sites. Match told me I could browse for free so I did. 
I created a real basic profile. I picked a few current pictures. I made sure that the pictures were a solid reflective of my current self. I couldn't use the throwback cheer picture missing about 30 pounds of my current self. Lol. I didn't want to be out here catfishing people. The information on my profile was accurate but vague. I even used a match created generic summary that reflected who I am. 
Let's see how this goes.... 
Btw I didn't drop that coin... yet.

2018... Look Back at IT.

Looking back at 2018, I realized that 2018 has forced me....
Forced me to do what I said I was going to do.
Forced me to choose me.
Forced me to get me to get to know me.



I've been humbled. I've watched my friends living their best lives and I've just been just cheering from the sidelines. I've waited for my win (still waiting). I've been a bitch. I've had to let/force fuck boys to walk. I've collect a few bouquets. I've had to intentionally protect my space. I've online dated. My ass has out grown EVERY pair pants  I owned. Therefore Old Navy has gotten quite a few of my coins. I've been in my own way. I've been guarded. I've been open. I've prayed and read. I've journal-ed. I've sat and not been able to answer what the fuck makes me happy and what I like to do. Like what thheeee fuck! I've drank wine... bottles of it... sometimes by myself. In 2018, I've been trying to figure out what my best life is and live it. I've allowed him in my space some days. Some days he's not worth mentioning. God has a way of giving you what you need, when you need it. I've been trying not to live in comparison to your wins. I've been trying to figure out what happiness looks like for me. I've been up and I've been down. I've been trying to make it through this thang called my life. Some days were good. Some days were bad. 

HOWEVER, my body lowkey outchea lookin' like Rihanna in these streets.... my ass fat, hair growin, skin glowin' and bills paid. I'm not mad atcha 2018, you or the woman I'm becoming...



Most Impactful Reads 2018: The Wait/ We are Going to Need More Wine
Favorite Celeb 2018: Cardi B./Gabrielle Union
Favorite Artist to Vibe to 2018: Ella Mai/ H.E.R.
Favorite Album to Boss Up to: Everything is Love
Most Impactful People: People: My village who has been praying for me, picking me up, and rooting for me all year. 

The Royal Wedding

I was the little girl who once upon a time believed in fairy tales.  I'm a Disney Princess fanatic. I saw the the The Princess and the Frog like 3 or 4 times in theaters and I only took kids once. As life happened my belief in fairy tales dwindled. 

Then a black divorced 36 year old woman became engaged to the wild and handsome Prince Harry. The game changed! I know, she's mixed, light skinned, with "good hair" but nonetheless she's still all the things I first mentioned. And that man LOVES that woman. 

As I got up at 630-ish on a Saturday to watch The Royal Wedding, it gave this little black girl a little piece of hope. It gave me desire to get back in the game. It gave me the desire to curse out my friends for not setting me up on blind dates with the princes in their circles. 

#Jesus Year

I always like to start a new year with reflection of the past year. Luckily for me, my birthday is pretty mid-way through the year. It's a great place to hit reset on my New Year's Resolutions. 

The past year has been hard. Not really a loud hard but a silent hard. I've cried. I've bossed up. Been unapologetically me. 

I'm hitting reset and refocusing on me, myself, and I. Focused on being my best self and living my best life. Judas just know it's my #jesusyear but I ain't Jesus. *wink wink*

The Only Single Girl in the Room

As I travel along my path of life, I'm increasingly becoming the only really single girl in the room. As I continue along my path most of my friends have boyfriends, husbands, kids, etc. And then there is me. Just. Me. Here's the beauty of it for me, I'm increasingly ok with it just being me. 

I get a lot of pressure to be a couple. "Do online dating" and "you should be with so and so" they say. But a HUGE part me of is okay not entertaining another Mr. Wrong instead of being selfish with myself. 

I often find myself wondering why should I be in a huge rush to share myself with someone else forever. Especially when, a lot of men are not REALLY committed to their wives and significant others. Trust me and my screenshots on that one. Hahahaha! 

Writing The Vision Again....

Write the vision and make it plain they say…

A married co-worker of mine, has told me again to write my desires in a husband. Sigh…. I did that already and I’m still single…. You can check it out here. I was pretty darn close to that first list… uggghhhh…. But I guess I’m back and square one. I was told to make it “working” list and to be specific. So I am doing just that…. I’ve actually written it with pen and paper and allow my experiences to craft what my heart desires. I am going trust that God’s got me! 

Won't He Do It in 2018

The top song on my Corolla Praise and Worship playlist is “Won’t He Do It.” By Koryn Hawthorne.  People who spend a lot of time know that I throw “won’t he do it *hand wave and foot pat*” out A LOT!! But this song has been a testament to my life… and my 2017.  “I’m going to look back and be so amazed. How it turned out is only his grace.”

I am coming out of 2017 stronger. I have had lessons on standing up for myself and not taking other people’s shit. I have gotten hit by a car I saw coming from miles away. I have had to learn that I am not able to do it all. I’ve had to depend on other’s to help keep my carefully balanced scheduled still balanced and going. I’ve had to commit to get up from the table when love is no longer offered. I’ve had to TRULY accept MY JOURNEY and be at peace with what’s mine. I can see your “happily ever after” and be okay with it not being mine.  

As I look at 2017, I see foundations laid for the good things to come in 2018. Things I’ve prayed for in the past possibly coming down the pipeline.  I’ve seen the devil hard at work with the past boos in my messages on various platforms. -_- The devil has been hard at work trying to steal my joy but I have my eyes on the prize. So hey husband… you have to be on the horizon. LOL If not, I am at peace sleeping alone. I am walking into 2018 taking auntie Tracee Ellis Ross words to heart. I am going truly live my life for me and put ME first. Yes, I am going to be a SELFISH person and be that on purpose. In the past (I have a post in my heart about a specific time) I have put other’s first and I am not 100% sure that worked out in my favor. “I got mountains to climb in 2018. The enemy can’t stop me because there is a calling on my life. “ I walk into 2018 by faith and not by sight into my purpose. 2018 I’m ready because my trust in God has me covered.

 Happy 2018 y’all be BLESSED and AMAZING. Keep working towards your “well done!” 

Walking in to 2018 by faith and not by sight....