Single and Fabulous

After my rant about me hating Valentine's Day, I figured I should redeem myself. To set the record straight, I am single and LOVING it! I am living a life that I am enjoying. I have the job that I want and I currently like most days (when I don't have to deal with adults). I get to dance SEVERAL times a week and my body look better than I did 10 years ago( I finally mastered making my boobs look like they finally grew in...LOL) . I get up and go when I get ready and stayed involved in all the wonderful things in which I want to be involved. I have had and continue to have opportunity to see the world. The most common words in this paragraph are my and I. So, if you haven't noticed I love me!

I look around and I'm sure I'm not READY (and for some may never be) for the other options. I work with kids all day; I really don't think I want to leave work and deal with my own kids. Now I have quite a few friends with bundles of "joy" and a niece who lives with me but they are not my children. I can deal with them when I want and not be bothered when I don’t. Now don't get me wrong, I love kids but I don't care to have any of my own at the moment.

Then there is the man option. Having a boyfriend/boo has its perks but it also comes with disadvantages. I understand that not all relationships are drama-filled and loveless, but I can’t help but feel some kind of way as I look at some of my friends’ relationships. I wasn’t built to handle my phone blowing up every from a man asking a zillion questions because he feels like he is my only contact in the outside world each time my Facebook or twitter accounts shows some activity - I would go insane! Another aspect of relationships that I have a hard time handling…checking in. We all must admit we do it regardless of the nature of the relationship, not only when the relationship lacks trust or when we’re curious about his location and what/who he’s doing. Nor could I handle the abuser (verbal, physical, psychological or sexual, to name a few) or let me just say he probably couldn't handle me. I will admit I have control issues and I very seriously doubt that I would ever live with having that little control in any relationship. I do believe my love for myself would make it hard for any man to belittle me, destroy my self-esteem/self-confidence or physically abuse me (I will fight back even knowing my ass will probably get kicked but, I'm not gonna just sit and let anybody beat my ass!)

Luckily for me, I don't believe that being the "Single Woman" is a straight path to becoming that old bitter black woman. I have seen women who live into old age happy with the single life and all they have accomplished on their own. If that is the woman I am destined to become, I'll be happy with all it has to offer! Sure, I still hope that one day I'll find someone I love just as much as love myself to share my life with, until then... the single life continues and I'm enjoying every second of it!

Valentine's Day

On February 14th, I am a TRUE primary school teacher. I have to wear red or pink. The theme is hearts...hearts here...hearts there...hearts everywhere! Of course I have to share pink frosted cupcakes on heart plates. We share our love for one another all day long. After a day of being forced to spread love, by nightfall....I HATE Valentine’s Day aka well Singles Awareness Day. It has become a yearly reminder that I am single. Every time I enter a store, I and every other single person are overwhelmed by the flood of hearts and lovey-dovey bullshit. In the event that the other 364 days I forgot that I am single (which I didn’t and don’t), February 14th is the slap in the face.



Now I will admit that this day is not always a bummer. I like to give credit where credit is due. There were a few men throughout my life who get the “You Got Game” award (genuine or not) for Valentine’s Day. Shout out to the 10th grade boyfriend, he had game. Shout out to both the guys who sent roses my senior in high school, they had game (and apparently so did I). Shout out to the freshman year in college boo... his game was the best. I admit, I have a historuy of being a sucker for good game. It doesn’t matter how “real” they keep it, it's the thought that counts. Even the bullshitters who have game have put in some degree of work, an I appreciate it.



Now to the lames who show up at 10pm with all that lovey-dovey bullshit picked up from the neighborhood CVS, after they've started mark downs...they should have saved their money and spared me the reminder that I need an upgrade.

Luckily for myself, I am good cheap date on this day! LOL. Single Awareness doesn’t mean I’m depressed. The day is meant to show your love and appreciation to and for loved ones. I do believe in showing myself some love. It means a great dinner, some good reading and a good bottle of wine (all which I can afford on my own), while reminiscing about the good, the bad, and the ugly.

To all you lovers out there, I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day. For us single ladies and gents, Happy Single’s Awareness Day!

Too "Perfect"

All my life, I was raised to be a lady. My mother had more than a few ideas of the traits she believed real lady should possess. A lady always wears earrings. It is unacceptable for a lady to talk to a boy/man after 10pm. Calling guy in general was frowned upon and after 9pm was a major no-no. My father always said he was going to have my sister and I fixed so we wouldn’t have children before we were adults - those 3 letters were forbidden...S-E-X.

I will say that I bought into that whole “act like a lady” idea a bit more than my rebellious little sister. These southern belle ideals have been drilled into my head for so long, that they are no longer just a list of traits, but a lifestyle. Throughout my adult life, I have been called a “southern belle” and even compared to Charlotte from “Sex and the City.” I grew up believing that no man wants a to marry a “loose” woman; however, I can't help but think that maybe "they" do want the loose woman, because those are the women who "have a ring on it." Now the questions begin, has my southern belle-living been in vain? Unlike what I've read in fairy tales and watched in "Gone With the Wind" type movies, this lady is not married.
On a recent date with Mr. LT, he mentioned that he thought I was an angel with a halo and all...he was intimidated by it. I took that as a compliment, as I have worked so hard to give off that vibe, but has that all worked in my favor? No. I hadn’t planned for it scare off men (especially the ones I want). Now don’t get me wrong, my “halo” has lost some of its luster and has a few dings on it, but has my “perfection” been part of my reason that pursuit continues? Oh well, (as I adjust my halo) this southern belle continues her pursuit…

When it rains it pours….. men that is…

They say when a woman ovulates, men are naturally more attracted to her. Is that possible on facebook and via text messages? They also say men want a women who is already taken. These sayings I’ve heard a thousand times, but I’ve come to believe that there is some truth to these sayings.

I can spend a lot of time “focusing on myself”, but the second I decide to spend time “focusing” on someone other than myself my blackberry and facebook go crazy. EVERY man I’ve known (or so it seems) is hitting me up. I feel like I’ve hit the dating jackpot, but then I realize I’m not really into too much of that casual dating thing. I can’t handle dating this one and that one. It’s too much for me to handle and the guys too. Too many guys happening at once ALWAYS ends badly. Luckily, I’m not a dude in this aspect (Many men would try to juggle as many as possible.) I have a one track mind. I pick one (maybe two) and focus my energies there. I try to pick the ones that appear at first to have the most potential.

Am I setting myself up for failure and disappointment because I don’t pursue them all …. I hope not because they also say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.

The Bad Boy Syndrome

I need a soldier... or do I?

While enjoying dinner with a friend one weekend, our dinner-time conversation took the inevitable turn to men. I sat, listening to her rundown of the new “boo”. He was smart, well-educated, attractive, and a cook. I sat, intrigued, wondering whether or not he had a brother, when she said...“I don’t want to be in relationship with him. He’s too nice.”



I nearly choked on my soup. My friend hasn’t even reached her 20s yet, she can’t possibly know exactly what she wants wants out of life; then it hit me, I used to be that girl. I began to think back on how I’ve passed on a zillion “nice guys” because I was looking for...that something, that extra little oomph, some swag. I didn’t know exactly why, but the “nice guys” just didn’t have it. Oh the things we do when we are young and dumb. Thankfully, with age comes wisdom and I’m getting wiser every day. How many women have stood in front of our own happiness because such silly stipulations?



Like my friend and I, have all young women suffered from the bad boy syndrome? Once upon a time, a man NEEDED that bad boy “swag” for me to consider him attractive. I can take this all the way back to middle school crushes, when the poor little nice guy always came in last to the “bad boy” in class. Why did my friends and I find him attractive? Is it the media and its portrayal of black men? Is the desire to date someone like your father (and mine still thinks he’s that 20 year old bad boy)? As a 20-something professional, I’m looking for the “nice guy” that I passed on for so many years.

The thing that baffles me now are the smart, upstanding “nice guys” are no longer such, and have defected to the other side, #teambadboy. Are women who are always in search of that extra something to blame for the good guys gone bad - the transformation of the nice guys who finally grew tired of finishing last?

2011 Love Plan

I have a "game plan". Do you?

I’m a planner. I’ve been planning my life (a rough draft version that is constantly changing) for as long as I can remember. In high school, I planned to become a cheerleader and a class leader and eventually planned to go to college. In college, I planned to graduate and become a teacher, a job which I now enjoy (most days). Every morning I lie in bed and run through the day before I get up and get going. I have a plan to for how the year should go. I need a love plan as well...

To start my yearly planning, I reflected on last year. What happened? What worked? What didn’t work? What new goals do I want to accomplish? At this time last year, I was in a “relationship.” I say “relationship” because I was just going through the motions with… (to be discussed in a post…soon). As prepared the “plan” for 2010, I decided to ride out the “relationship” wave and see where it took me. I knew it was only a matter of time before that door shut (it needed to), so I began to look for one with the potential to open. Lucky for me, I didn’t have to look too hard. I had marked my calendar for the perfect time to start my attempt to take another “relationship” to the next level. Another door shut; this time, unexpectedly. On the other side of 2010, I see that the door closed unexpectedly and that attempt is just getting started. In the words of Alicia Keys, “I’m ready,” for 2011 and all I hope to happen.

As I prepare for 2011, I am taking two potential love matches with me…I’ll call them Jay-Z and Mr. LT. These aren’t random men I picked up at a bar or a club, but two men whom I’ve known all of my adult life. I consider these men friends first, which can be a touchy line to cross. Now, to clarify, I am not in a relationship that can be considered “more than friends” at this point. Great potential for growth lies in each of these relationships and I am willing to see where either of them takes me.

What’s my 2011 love plan?

It is to be open to either of the friendships blossoming into something more. While I will be open to both, I must admit, I’m pulling for one in particular. I do really believe that “he” is my prince charming. My plan is not only for relational growth, but also for personal growth. Now I could sit here and give concrete goals but I’m not one for setting myself up for failure. I must accept the fact that with this plan in my life there is an Editor-in-Chief who can and will go in and make changes. When I’m reflecting in 2012, no matter the outcome of 2011’s plan, I know that these two relationships in addition to others that may present will definitely have an impact on this ever-changing rough draft that I call life. Living without growing isn’t really living at all, is it? My love plan, I’m sure, is just another pit-stop on my journey in pursuit of love and happiness.

What is your love plan for 2011?

What's Your Story?

Waiting on Prince Charming....

If I had a quarter every time I heard this question, I would buy me my Mercedes.
Why do men meet a woman who is all around awesome and ask that crazy ass question in its many forms? “So, ummm… Why are you single? Where is your man? Why hasn’t some man scooped you up yet? (Am I being served at Ben and Jerry’s?)” We all know we’ve heard these questions one too many times.

But here’s my story…..

In a far away land lives a young maiden, she works hard every day following her dreams. One day prince charming comes in and sweeps her off her feet. They get married and live happily ever after.

The End


Well, this is what I was told would happen or maybe I almost got there; however, the version that I heard omitted SEVERAL details. “Prince Charming” so far has not been what I’ve envisioned him to be. I am the girl who rushes to the store to buy Disney princess movies the very day they are released from the vault. I’ve seen “The Princess and the Frog” more times than my entire kindergarten class combined. I believe in chivalry and being swept away. I’m a hopeless romantic. My “Prince Charming” is handsome, hardworking, dedicated, loving, trustworthy, patient, athletic, smells good (ALWAYS a plus), committed, ambitious and who understands my mix of traditional ideals and my independent woman mentality. He understands that I will provide the bacon and fry it without question, but also to understand that he too has a role to play. His role is not to just eat the bacon or decide for me which role I’m playing. Most importantly, he believes in THE MAN and allows Him to direct his paths. In my fairy tale, these are the attributes that my “Prince Charming” possesses. Am I asking too much? Am I too “picky”? If I am, shoot me for knowing what I want and not being afraid to wait for it.
Unfortunately, the men that I have had the opportunity to date didn’t work for me. Don’t worry I’ve met several what appeared to be the “cream of the crop”. I am twice an alumnus of Howard University in Washington, DC. I’ve encountered plenty of outstanding men, but neither a fancy car nor a lucrative career guarantee that you’ll make a great potential husband. It’s the little things that matter the most. How do we treat each other? How do we treat others? How do we make each other feel? How do we maximize the time we spend together? How do we want to spend our future, making every moment count?

This Cinderella is still looking for her glass slipper.

What’s your story? (Hey! I really want to know and not just checking to see if you are good “catch”? :-D )